


As We Are

by CaptainHomorica



Category: VIXX
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polygamy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-09-17 07:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9310934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainHomorica/pseuds/CaptainHomorica
Summary: They are just five guys with different backgrounds, hobbies and lifestyles. Miraculously they became bestfriends. Who would have thought a certain someone would make that much of an impact on their lives?Cross-post on AFF.





	1. Who would have thought?

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is a ot6 fanfic, featuring Members x Leo and bottom!Leo.  
> 2\. There will be smut eventually.  
> 3\. The work is pretty much in process so I can not promise how it would be. So please be patience with me.  
> 4.English is not my primary language so mistakes will be made, plus this work is unbeta.

Sometimes life is full of miracles.

Hakyeon is the oldest one of the group, 25 years old. He is the owner of two of the most famous bars, which are completely different from each other. As he is an out-going person who wants to have fun but also loves to have a calming and refreshing time. He is friend with Hongbin, who lived and grew up in the same neighborhood with Jaehwan. Hakyeon might or might not have used Jaehwan as customer bait in the past. Good live music is a must in his second bar, the calming one. Plus handsome bartender with a cute face and nice body, Sanghyuk got that covered.

Jaehwan is one year younger than Hakyeon. He is called the famous 7-octaves sex on legs vocal trainer and musical actor with the stage name ‘Ken’. He occasionally works as a professional singer, especially when he collaborates with Wonshik. However, 'singing alone is a bore' he said and proceeded to fund a Vocal Training Center with Wonshik. He met Hakyeon through Hongbin, his childhood friend and singing at Hakyeon's bar every Saturday night has become one of his routine. Jaehwan is a cheerful and friendly person to who do not know him well enough for him to lose his temper at. Yet, he is surprisingly sharp (yes, he knows Hakyeon uses him as bait).

Wonshik is 23 years old, a ball of fluff with an intimidating appearance. He is filthy rich with all the royalties from the songs he produced. He met Jaehwan when he was helping with a musical, the producer seek for his opinions on the music used, the lyrics and such things. Jaehwan played the main character in that musical play, both were fascinated with the other's talent and quickly became friends after that. He later got to know Hongbin then Hakyeon and finally Sanghyuk. He was stunned at first as none of them was taken aback by his bleached blond hair and tattoos scattered across his skin. Wonshik has always been thankful to have friends like them.

Hongbin has the same age as Wonshik, he has the beautifully handsome face with the strong body that everyone loves. Hongbin loves to tease but he is overall a romantic guy that would treat his lover like a prince/princess they are to him. Yet, somehow, he always failed to have a proper date. Must be fate. After being stood up by a girl, he by chance found Hakyeon's bar. Hongbin got drunk and blurted out his tragic love life to someone he assumed to be the bartender, who laughed mercilessly at him. That was the beginning of his friendship with Hakyeon. He is currently working as a model and an actor. Recently he has just landed a deal of being the face of a clothing brand. The job requires him to dye his hair pink though.

The youngest of them all is Sanghyuk, a 21 years old student and a part-time bartender at Hakyeon's bar. He came to the city for the top University at which he is studying Finance. Though being the youngest, he is the tallest and apparently strongest among five of them. His face is so cute but boy is he evil. One might say he is being disrespectful to his hyung, and for worse, one of them is his boss. But then not one of them bats an eyelid at the so called 'social hierarchy'. They would not be this close if they care so much about the details anyway.

They lived separately at first, in their own apartments in different parts of the city. Not sure who was the one who suggested them moving together just for the fun of it. Maybe Hakyeon, he can be weird when drunk. The five laughed, stating how silly that idea is. All shook their heads and believed that they would forget the idea when they wake up in the morning, head hurting with hangover and probably have the urge to throw their stomach up.

Strangely, not only they did not forget but the idea also seemed to make more sense the harder they think of it.

After all the discussions and debate, two months after Sanghyuk's 21st birthday, they moved in together in a mansion. There are an indoor swimming pool, a newly decorated mini-studio for the need of Wonshik and Jaehwan, six spacious bedrooms with their own bathrooms. They named it VIXX.

Sanghyuk’s parents were opposed to the idea at first since they do not trust the other four very much, as this could be a scam targeting people from small town moving to the city. However, when Sanghyuk told his father that it was the mansion he designed two years ago for a real estate company, he got green lit. As a proud architect Sanghyuk's father is, of course he was happy that his son chose to live in the piece of art he created himself.

Thus, they live together now. A little bit strange compare to the norm but that is ok; you live your own life so there is no shame in it.  
It just feels so right, them being in one place. No specific reasons were given but they can't help how they feel.

Until one day Hakyeon gives them one.

 

\---------------------------------

 

"So, you guys have some time off this Friday?" Hakyeon asks, not looking up from the kimbap he is currently making. It looks delicious and cute as hell but the others know better.

"Why? Your bars' business is so slow that you need us there to attract the ladies again?" Jaehwan teases, knowing how much money the dark skinned male makes from of them.

"No," Hakyeon raises his head to stare daggers to the brown hair boy, mouthing 'rude' before continues to talk. “I’ve just hired a new pianist for the night shows. He is pretty decent when it comes to skills. But I need you guys' opinions, though."

"Wait, there is a new pianist? How come I don't know about that?" Sanghyuk questions as he stepping out of his bedroom.

“You took two days off to cram for the test last week, remember? He came, asked for a job and performed during that time.”

“Oh.” The youngest simply says, shaking his head to the offer of the nice looking kimbap that Hakyeon just made. It does not matter much, as he is going to work there on Friday night anyway.

“I can’t.” Hongbin says from the couch in their living room. “I have plan of playing Overwatch with friends already.” The Hanzo master smiles, showing his dimples. It could be interpreted that he is plotting on how to get all the ‘Play of the game’ with his newly obtained Golden Weapon.

“God, please stop playing so much hyung. I’m starting to believe you’re single because of it.” Sanghyuk quickly dodges the cushion drown at him right after he finished the sentence. However, ironically, Sanghyuk usually joins Hongbin at the internet café when they have a match night. He is slowly getting hooked into the game.

“I can’t too.” Jaehwan says with a sigh, locking his phone and put it on the coffee table in front of him. “The producer wants to meet me, he said there are some changes in the script and need my confirmation.” The brown hair boy leans back to the comfortable love seat. “Damn I thought I’m free this weekend at least.”

With the rise of popularity of his training center and the spotlight he got from the last two successful musical, Jaehwan’s schedule is slowly becomes a mess and the stress is inevitably builds up.

Hakyeon can only tell him some encouraging words and remind Jaehwan to look out for his health.

“It’ll only me and Hyuk then.” The oldest concludes, “What a shame.”

“Hyung, you forgot to ask Wonshik.” said Hongbin, eyeing the male who has been sitting in a dark corner, immobilized and having the faraway look throughout their conversation.  
Jaehwan comes closer to Wonshik and neck slides him a couple of time.

“Yup, he’s in ‘the mode’ again.” Jaehwan confirms.

‘The mode’ is when Wonshik stays focus on something, most commonly when he is working on a piece of music, he loses all contact to the real world. And it usually lasts for a couple of day, at the very least.

“He is as good as dead at times like this.” Hakyeon snickers can’t help but feel it’s pointless to bring up the topic.

‘Well, their lost.’ He thought as he had already watched the pianist’s performance.

 

\---------------------------------

 

It is indeed a strange night, like it is destined to be.

There is something wrong with the electricity line and the mansion suffers a power shortage. The darkness helps Wonshik snaps out of this immobilized state. Only then he realizes he is the only one at home. Finding no point in staying at a blackout building, he texts others and heads to the bar. Well, nowhere else to go to at the moment.

Overwatch server maintenance, Hongbin groans at the announcement. It usually pretty fast so he just waits, but this time it takes forever and there is no confirmation on when it’d be finished either. His friends slowly lose their patience as well and it results in them saying goodbyes to each other. Just by that time, he has got a text from Wonshik.  
‘Great.’ Hongbin rolls his eyes and changes his destination.

Jaehwan has a hard time believing that the producer calls him and cancels the meeting at the last minute. ‘Well, damn.’ He cursed mentally as he stands in front of the theatre. Wonshik’s text only helps worsen his mood. Good thing Hakyeon’s bar is nearby, or else he is going to punch something. Or someone. He knows a face he wants to punch.

  
“When will he arrive?” Sanghyuk asks, looking at the employee door as he skillfully wiping the wine glasses. It’s 9PM already and the performances usually start at this time.

“The pianist? He arrived already, he is currently at the backstage to make some preparations.” The older male’s answer only makes Sanghyuk more confused.

“What? When? How come I did not notice?” His eyebrows furrow, he does not recall anyone walked out of the employee door.

“When you were aiding the drunken men and hailing a cab for him?”

“That was only twenty minutes ago, and I was gone for like ten minutes.”

“Bad luck then.” Hakyeon shrugs.

“I can’t belie… Oh Wonshik!” Only when Sanghyuk trying to argue, he sees the sight that makes him wonder what day is this.

“Oh dear, it has only been a day and a half. You ran out of inspiration already?” The dark skin male exclaims, a hint of fake unbelievableness in his voice.

“C’mon.” Wonshik sits on the bar stool and rubs his face. “Give me something please.” It is almost a ritual for them to make fun of him every time he is out of ‘the mode’.  
Just by the time Sanghyuk places a soda drink in front of the bleached blond male, Jaehwan takes a seat beside Wonshik.

“I thought you’re supposed to meet the producer?” Hakyeon asks, clearly concerned. “You didn’t ditch him, did you?”

“No, the bastard ditched me!” The brown hair boy curves his hips downwards. Hakyeon pats his arms saying ‘there, there’ while Sanghyuk dutifully fixing a sweet drink. It calms Jaehwan down effectively every time.

“What have we here?” A voice appears and they all recognize that it’s Hongbin’s.

“What’s wrong with the match night, hyung?” Sanghyuk wonders, Hongbin loves games so much he refuses to stop unless it’s an emergency. And online games cannot be paused.

“Maintenance.” Hongbin says shortly. The youngest follows that with an “ouch” then goes back to fix yet another soft drink for the pink haired boy.

They chat for a minute or two and the stage is lit up. Except for Hakyeon, none of them expect a tall and lithe feature to step out from the wing.

Standing in the middle of the small stage and next to a grand piano is a man with silky black hair which falls over his eyes. He bows to the audience and without a word, he sits down on the bench, his fingers start moving.

Rachmaninoff. Piano Concerto No.2.

Under the yellow lights, his skin looks pale yet so smooth, like porcelain. Beautiful yet fragile. He is so committed in performing that he does not notice all the amazed looks towards him.

The music piece ends and those long and delicate fingers stop moving. A pause. And then a thunderous applause comes.

As if the man does not expect this to happen at all, Hakyeon sees him flinches a little. The dark skin male chuckles, looks around to see his friends are as astonished as he is.  
A week ago, when the other male performed for him to see how good his skill is, he was so nervous. Although he did a decent job, playing with that many nerves, the man apologized with the softest and sweetest voice ever.

Hakyeon raised his eyebrow with the three at the other side of the bar counter. Their faces show the ‘Yeah, yeah, lucky that I made it’ messenger. Well, except for Wonshik, the poor guy does not know what happened in the last two days.

“Hey Jaehwan, why don’t you sing while he plays the piano?” Hongbin suggests and Hakyeon absolutely approves of this.

Jaehwan does not need to be told twice. He comes up the stage and approaches the black haired male. Leaning down to speak with the man, he did not anticipated him to look up with the almond shaped onyx eyes, as dark as the night sky with the illuminating lights reflecting on them as star lights.

Almost too quickly, the man averts his eyes, refuses to look at Jaehwan again.  
Well then.

“Can you play for me to sing?” The brown haired boy asks. Seeing the slight nod, Jaehwan reaches for the microphone and tells the name of the song.

‘The Fool’.

It was easy for Jaehwan to find the rhythm to sing along, considering this is the first time they work together, it’s amazing.

He finishes the song smoothly, hit all the notes he needs to hit. ‘Such a nice experience’ Jaehwan think to himself.

“Do you sing?” Asked Jaehwan when he can’t help but notice the man mouthing the lyrics silently as he played the piano. A nod. He smiles sweetly at the man, then adjust the microphone holder which is attached to the piano. “Then help yourself.”

The man looks up, mouth parting to say something but then as if he cannot deal with Jaehwan’s killer smile, he looks away again. This time, blushing a bit.

Or a lot.

It’s easy to tell, his skin is milky white, redness has a lot of impact on it. ‘Cute’, Jaehwan coos mentally.

He sings, eventually. Jaehwan is really good at convincing people, either by his smooth tongue or his appealing look.

Satisfied with himself, he returns to his seat, waiting.

Music fills the room again, and this time, it is accompanied with a singing voice so soft yet so emotionally powerful.

“I’ll try getting over you day by day  
It’ll be obvious, it’ll hurt  
But still, thank you  
I’m waving goodbye to you  
Let’s not cry again, let’s not hold onto each other  
The more I tell myself that  
It hurts, it hurts”

The bar is quiet for almost a minute, which is odd. The song, the voice and the lyrics slays everyone’s emotion too hard that they need time to recover before clapping enthusiastically.

“Yeonie, I think you hit jack pot.” That is all Hongbin could mutter after the sensational performance. Hakyeon nods, he couldn’t find any words to say. Sanghyuk is just as stunned as him, Wonshik is oddly quiet. Only Jaehwan was exhilarating, approaching the amazing pianist, and vocalist apparently, again.

“My name is Jaehwan, Lee Jaehwan.” He introduces himself, “Can I know yours?”

“…Leo” the man says hesitantly.

“Then Leo, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

\---------------------------------

 

The night ended and he is at home, lying on his bed. Wonshik looks out the windows, realizes it almost morning. He knits his brows together, one thought keeps intruding his peace of mind.

“I swear I know that melody.”


	2. Something Forgotten, Something Remembered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love slow built relationship so I think this is going to be long, especially that this is an ot6 fanfics. Please bear with me ;;; v ;;;  
> Also, throughout the story, Hakyeon's hairstyle is The Closer one. Because I am trash ;;; v ;;;

Hakyeon is slowly regretting that he invited them to watch Leo’s performance. Jaehwan keeps bugging him about the secret of Leo’s real name. ‘His real name can’t be Leo’ as Jaehwan stated. And that’s true.

To make thing worse for him, Wonshik joined the conversation as well. Though being more mysterious than Jaehwan, the blond said he just wanted to confirm something.

The oldest leans down, places his forehead on his palm as he sighs defeatedly. There Jaehwan goes again, using that kicked puppy eyes looking at him.

“No I can’t tell you. It’s on the labour contract: I can’t reveal his real name. If I do and he finds out, he will stop working for me immediately.” Hakyeon calmly explains once more. He’d held himself back twice already. If the younger continues to bother him, he would scold him for real. He knows how big the other male’s mouth can get, keeping secret is not his strong point at all.

Jaehwan notices the cues and knows that he cannot get anymore juicy details today. Worth a try, though.

“It’s just the name Leo doesn’t fit him all that well in my opinion,” explains Jaehwan as he stands up from his seat and walks towards his bedroom. “He’s more like a Mimi.”

‘A common cat name, how creative.’ Hakyeon thinks sarcastically but keeps to himself. He does not want fight in the freaking morning, after he just woke up from a four-hour sleep.

“How’s your new work going, Wonshik?” The black haired male changes the subject. Wonshik has been somewhat absentminded for the last few days.

“Work? I’m not working on anything at the moment.” The blond answers, confusion laces his voice. He did have some thoughts but after the night at the bar, composing is not what he wants to do. Especially with all the irritation he feels.

“Then what are you thinking so hard on?” Hakyeon pauses, “Please don’t say that it’s about Leo.”

Wonshik raises an eyebrow at the older male and Hakyeon groans. Why his life must be this miserable?

“Actually, more than it’s about him, it’s about the melody of the song he sang.” Wonshik starts, “I feel like I’ve heard it before.” He frowns, remembering talking with Jaehwan about this but the older of the two just shook his head, said that it was his first time hearing the song. Wonshik spent the next day on the Internet, searching so hard using parts of the lyrics. His effort bared no fruit unfortunately. It could be that Leo was a street performer and he happened to listen a part of the song when he was going somewhere.

But does the man even look like a street performer, Wonshik argues with himself.

“It’s like I forgot something important and yet cannot recall what it was. That that irks me.”

“You could always ask him if he ever performed that song somewhere else.” Hakyeon says matter-of-factly, unable to believe how slow his friend is sometimes.

“Oh right…”

Hakyeon sighs, he haven’t had enough sleep to deal with all of this. Decides that he wants peace for the rest of the day, he retreats to his bedroom, leaving a Wonshik who is busy with fighting himself alone.

What an unusual morning, even to their standard.

\----------------

“Have you ever received vocal training?” Jaehwan asks when Leo enters his fifteen minutes break. He gets back a head shake as an answer. “Wow!” He exclaims. Leo’s voice is beautiful but Jaehwan did notice some mistakes and the roughness when the black haired man sang the tricky notes last Friday. Rookies mistakes if he is being honest. Therefore, Jaehwan concludes that either Leo had never gone under any training or he picked a terrible trainer.

Either way, that has to stop, there is no way he is going to let such talent going to waste!

Jaehwan had decided that he should speak to Leo as soon as possible but he wasn’t allowed thank to the hectic schedule. There were meetings, practices, promos and getting to know important people. He is grateful that the producer finally realized the tension he had been under for weeks. That’s reason why he has got tonight and the whole weekend off without having to worry about work.

With his priority straight, Jaehwan wastes no time to appear at the bar. Sanghyuk does not have a shift today so it was just him and Hakyeon before Leo showed up.

The man with the hair as dark as the night started his performance with a part from ‘Swan Lake’ of Tchaikovsky.

Jaehwan sat on the stool quietly (it’s odd because Jaehwan and quiet usually don’t fit in the same sentence) as the pianist finished the piece and move on to Chopin. He wanted to collaborate with Leo again but Hakyeon had warned him not to. The reason is ‘It’s bad for the business’ without any further explanation. As the elder’s tone is serious, Jaehwan, though confused, let go of the idea.

Had Sanghyuk been here, he would go on and explain how the expectation of the customers will be raised if they keep providing exceptional performances and how costly it would be if they cannot meet the expectation. Furthermore, the bar has plenty good enough customers daily anyway, it won’t be cost efficient if they do night shows daily as the cost would increase but the income is not going to go up as much.

But at least Jaehwan didn’t have the chance to be even more confused.

Break time came and it was time to approach Leo, he was quick on completing that quest.

“How about you come to my center and I can help you?” The brown haired boy suggests with the good intention of making this pretty voice shines even more. Leo shakes his head again and Jaehwan frowns.

“Why not? Please give it a try and if you don’t like my style I can arrange other trainers for you.” He tries again.

Leo looks up, his eyes meeting Jaehwan’s and sadness is written on his pretty face

“I…I don’t have much money.”

Jaehwan’s eyes blow wide open in shock and Leo lowers his head even more than usual, thinking that he shames himself with such statement. Luckily, Jaehwan reacts before everything goes south.

“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not advertising for my center.” He laughs a bit, “I just want to help you. We can go to the mini studio at my house if you are more comfortable with that. Jaehwan places his hand on the other man’s shoulder, feeling him tenses up but relaxes himself right after. Somehow that brings a smile to his face.

“But why?” Leo questions, why would someone doing his job for free? And do it to someone they barely know.

Now that is an interesting question. And Jaehwan himself does not have an answer. Why? He hasn’t thought much on it, he simply wanted to do this. It sounds so right in his head.

“Let’s say I’m a fan. And what fan doesn’t want their idol improve, hmm?” An eyebrow rose and he knows he wins the debate already judging the surprised look of Leo.

“Are you sure? You must be a busy man.”

“Don’t worry about it, I have the whole weekend off. That’s plenty of time.” Certainty in his voice successfully reassures a skeptical Leo.

But that is not the entire truth. He has been relying on Wonshik with the work of the training center. Plus, there is a monthly meeting happens this Saturday. Jaehwan rarely attends them, he has Wonshik summaries everything for him. No one will miss him if he is not there anyway, so it should be fine, right?

Leo finally gives in and agrees to meet with Jaehwan on Saturday afternoon. Jaehwan smiles triumphantly.  

He wants to talk some more but he only has time to exchange phone numbers with Leo before Hakyeon comes and drags him out of the back stage, saying that he needs his pianist well rested.

Jaehwan does not put up a fight, he’s got what he came for after all.

\----------------

“What?” Jaehwan’s voice was so high that it could easily damage one’s eardrums.

It was a beautiful morning, Jaehwan woke up refreshed and was happy that he had an appointment with Leo in the afternoon. And then the phone call happened.

Not knowing who but someone had spread harmful rumors not about him but also the crew. Controversies such as the lyrics were plagiarized, the actors treat the staff disrespectfully and other baseless rumors were posted on the Internet for everyone to see.

An emergency meeting was called and Jaehwan rushed to the place. Half way to the destination, he realized he forgot his phone at home.

Looking at the clock on the wall, Jaehwan has never felt this defeated. It almost an hour after the time they agreed to meet and he has no way to contact Leo. He has the number on his phone but he couldn’t remember it by himself.

He can’t call Wonshik asking for help since he is probably in the middle of a meeting too. Sanghyuk has classes and Jaehwan doesn’t have the heart to make him skip them, especially when it’s Sanghyuk’s last year of University.

And Hakyeon, god damn Hakyeon, he has to be this unreachable when he is supervising the maintenance and innovating work on his other bar. He was Jaehwan last hope to ever be able to contact Leo and now all hope is lost.

The crew is working hard on finding the solutions on the troubles at hand. Although he might look like the ‘living in the moment’ type but Jaehwan puts a great care on what he loves. Therefore, there’s no way he is going to walk out and abandon everyone now.

The debate goes on and on until someone says they need a break to clear their mind. Borrowing a friend’s phone, Jaehwan tries calling Hakyeon again. It gets through but the oldest does not pick up.

“Hey Jaehwan.” A voice calls out.

The brown haired boy turns around to see Hongbin standing near with concerns showing on his face. It turns out to be Hongbin was having a photo shoot at a studio nearby. He heard about the incident and came to pay Jaehwan a visit, checking on the older boy.

Jaehwan appreciates the thoughts a lot. Jaehwan appreciates the fact that Hongbin showing up at the right time even more. He grins.

                           ----------------

It is a strange situation for Hongbin as he is usually the one who is getting ditched, now he is the one who tell other that he is ditched. The World is indeed full of miracles.

However, it’d been two hours, there is no way one would wait that long. Trust him, he is an expert. With that said, Hongbin still goes to the spot where Jaehwan said they would meet because he promised.

For all those years, Hongbin has always thought he is the veteran, the one that has gone through a lot. And there is that black haired man, who is wearing a thin coat, a simple black T-shirt and jeans, pressing his back to the trunk of a tree, patiently waiting. The pink haired boy thinks that his eyes are tricking him at first, but no, Leo is still here.

Well, he has to give the man credits for his patience.

“Hello, I’m Hongbin, a friend of Jaehwan.” He approaches Leo, showing pictures of him with Jaehwan together as proofs and explains why his friend cannot come. “He said he is sorry for making you wait and promised that he would make it up to you.”

“I see.” Leo nods then lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad.”

“Glad?” Asks Hongbin, he is not sure he follows.

“I’m glad that he is safe.” He explains, his eyes glue to the ground. “I can’t contact him at all. I was worried that something happened when he was on his way.”

“So you just wait here for two hours, hoping that he would show up unharmed?” Hongbin questions in disbelief.

Leo does not answer but instead nods while biting his lower lip. He braced himself for being called a weirdo.

“You are amazing!” Hongbin exclaimed and laughs out loud, his simples showing making him looks so handsome and adorable simultaneously.

“Wha…” Leo’s head snaps up abruptly, not sure why he gets a compliment.

“But really, I meant it.” The boy grins, he has never met anyone like this before. Most would get angry, not worried. As he sees the black haired male’s hand playing with his sleeve, eyes once again fixate on the ground but the tips of his ears are redden, an idea pops up.

“You were stood up, that means you’ve got the rest of the afternoon free, right? Go to the arcade with me.”

“But why?” Leo asks, sounding a bit lost. “Shouldn’t you go with your friends?”

“All of them is busy now and there’s no point in going alone.” Then he smiles cheekily, “Don’t be afraid, I won’t bite. Besides, you don’t want to waste the whole afternoon for nothing, do you? It’d be fun, trust me.”

Leo can’t fight the expectant gaze coming from Hongbin for long. He nods.

\----------------

They try out some games in the arcade. It is fun for Hongbin but Leo looks like a deer in headlight, it almost seems to be it’s his first time being a place like this. Hongbin chuckles at how cute the man is when flustered.

Hongbin, at one point, pushes Leo onto a dance game machine although the latter shakes his head furiously while saying he does not know how to play. It’s ironic, because not only he is able to finish the game, he plays it well. His moves were clumsy at first but once he got a hold on the rhythm, he danced to it smoothly.

‘He knows how to play a piano, he can sing well and now he is capable of dancing too. Some agents please scout him already!’ Hongbin thinks while admiring the dancing forms of Leo. Then, he proceeds to force the man to dance to two more songs.

The black haired man was opposed to the idea of coming here at first but eventually, he finds himself loosens up to the idea of trying out games after games. Especially with the company of Hongbin.

It’s…refreshing when being with him. He doesn’t gives out the energetic vibe that makes one wants to get up and have fun like Jaehwan. ‘Someone you can trust’ might well be the best description Leo can think of at the moment. That means there’s no need for holding back when being with Hongbin, just relax and be yourself.

And it feels nice.

“Do you want to get something to drink?” Hongbin asks and the other nods. Smiling, he suggests “But first, why don’t we find out who is better than who?” Pointing at the basketball game machines, Hongbin raised his eyebrows.

“Sure.” Leo doesn’t see why should he not agree, he can plays basketball just fine.

But Hongbin has got crazy aiming skills, his accuracy is something worth envy of. Although he tries his best, he cannot keep up with the scores. ‘It shouldn’t be like this’ is the only thought Leo has in mind. In a desperate moment, he aims his ball at the ball Hongbin just threw. They collide mid-air and Leo successfully stops the pink haired boy’s scoring streak.

Hongbin didn’t expect that he would be amazed so many times within an afternoon. He looks at the man of a few words who appears to be so timid and shy trying his best for an arcade game. And here the thought he is the game addict.

With Hongbin stopped playing half way through the game, Leo wins the match. By ten points. But it’s still a win.

“You cheated.”

“No, I did not.”  
“You stopped me from scoring.”

“I didn’t. My hands just slipped.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

Under any circumstances, their conversation is not qualified as a conversation that two adults would have.

Leo’s using his calm façade to evade the accusation thrown at him. Hongbin is amused.

“How many people know about this part of you?”

“What part?” Leo acts calm, using his pinky finger to brush some strands of his hair off his eyes. That’s when Hongbin discovers an entirely new thing.

Stretching his arms out, his hands cupping Leo’s cheeks and brings his face close to his.

A mole.

There is a small mole under the black haired male’s right eyes. Unconsciously, Hongbin uses his thumb to caress the spot. Leo’s full cheeks feels so warm and soft under his palm. The almond-shaped dark eyes staring straight to his. This is something he can easily get lost into, if Hongbin has to admit.

“Mom, are they kissing? Like in the movie?” A clear and childish voice comes out of nowhere making them both flinch.  

“You have a mole here.” Hongbin answers, points at the spot under the right eye on this own face. “It’s cute. Come now, let’s get some coffee, I know a place.”

Without a chance to protest, Hongbin’s hand is on his wrist, leading him out of the arcade center.

\----------------

Jaehwan comes home after a stressful day, flops onto his bed and reaches for his forgotten phone. There are six missed calls and three new messages, all from Leo. He sighs, braces himself for the angry words.

**From:** Mimi  
**Time:** Sat. 13:33  
  
I’m here.  
  
**From:** Mimi  
**Time:** Sat. 14:25  
  
You are late. Are you ok? Did something happen?  
  
The last message was sent only an hour ago, Jaehwan assumes that Leo sent this after he got home.

**From:** Mimi  
**Time:** Sat. 18:07  
  
I heard what happened. Sorry things like that happen to you. I’m hoping for the best.

Jaehwan can’t help but smile. He feels touched too, knowing that Leo is worried about his safety. Pressing the ‘Reply’ option, Jaehwan starts composing a message that says what is on his mind.

\----------------

In the last two days, Jaehwan sees Hongbin texting someone and smile every time a reply comes. Well, this is new.

“Did you successfully get yourself a girlfriend, Hongbin? Someone is charmed by your fluffy pink hair?” He asks jokingly while sitting down next to the younger.

Hongbin glares, but then smiles a little bit to sweetly.

“Remember when I helped you meet Leo? I helped you date him too. We went to the arcade and then we got some coffee. That was a good date. I got his number so we started texting.” Hongbin replies then brakes into a run, laughing and reflexively covering his ears.

“GODDAMMIT HONGBIN!”

\----------------

Wonshik is a dedicated man. With Jaehwan focusing on the upcoming musical, he takes in almost all the administrative and supervising works of the training center. At the end of the day, he usually comes home pretty late and is exhausted. Although he is still highly curious about the song, Wonshik often finds himself not wanting to get up from his bed.

He looks at his phone screen, it says 7:30PM. Wonshik knows for sure Leo is going to perform tonight. Hakyeon told him the schedule, every Monday, Friday and Sunday.

It’s not like the man would just disappear anyway. ‘Later’ he thinks, close his eyes and let himself being drift into the dream land. Unlucky him, his phone rings right before he enters his well missed and blissful sleep.

“What?” He answers the phone in a rough voice, clearly not happy.

“Wonshik hyung, find a good shirt of yours and take it to the bar for me. It’s an emergency.” With that, Sanghyuk hangs up. The blond rubs his face furiously in an attempt of keeping himself awake.

Wonshik needs to speak with Leo too so this is probably killing two birds with one stone. He drags himself off the bed and searches through his closet. There is a shirt that was gifted to him but he doesn’t find it suit him. It should be good.

\----------------

Hakyeon lets out a small sigh after Sanghyuk hangs up and immediately goes to check on Leo. The said male arrived a little bit early today and when he was going through the small kitchen, one of the cooks bumped into him with a hot dish in hand. The cook swears that Leo was too quiet that he did not notice him going near.

Though Leo insists that he is fine and does not get burn but Hakyeon is still worried. Only when a soft voice tells him to relax he feels calmer. He leads Leo into his office, which has a private bathroom, and tells the other man to wash up a bit, there will be a new shirt for him to change into. With a nod, Leo slips into the bathroom.

Wonshik arrives at the bar twenty minutes after, out of breath and hand still holds a speeding ticket. Sanghyuk pats him on the back without saying a word then takes the paper bag from him. Hakyeon smiles and saying something between ‘Thank god you get here in time’ and ‘I’ll give you drink discount for the next six months’. Though Wonshik is more interested in what is this emergency about.

Sanghyuk doesn’t bother knocking before he opens the office door. It’s a bad habit, he knows, but it’s usually just Hakyeon. But there is no way in Hell would the grey haired boy imagine the scene where Leo is taking his shirt off, showing pretty much all of his upper body. The boy does not mean to stare but it’s difficult to look away from the lithe body with the pale skin that looks like it glows. Leo is thinner than he thought. Don’t get him wrong, he is absolutely not frail, the lean muscles can be see clearly.

“Do…Do you mind…” Leo stutters when Sanghyuk fixates his gaze on his body. He knows it doesn’t look good but being stared at like that still makes him uncomfortable.

“Oh, sorry.” Sanghyuk snaps back to reality. “Here is a clean shirt. Just leave your shirt on the table, we will have it cleaned for you. And no, I insist.” The boy put the paper back on the table and quickly walks out, closes the door a little too quick it creates a bang.

Stunned, Leo lowers his head. He never thought that his appearance would offend someone that much. Biting his lower lip, he forces himself to forget the scene and opens the bag. He gasps as his hand touches the fabric. This shirt probably costs more than the amount of money he makes a month, no, make it two. But he has no other choice.

\----------------

Sanghyuk didn’t plan to act like that. He has to get out of the room as quick as possible or else he might pop a boner right there and right then. His head imagined all the possibilities of him run his hands across the smooth skin and leaving bruising kiss marks everywhere.

Oh god he refuses to lose his composure but it was too much.

\----------------

“So that’s the reason? Really? Because his shirt got ruined” Wonshik says with disbelief. He got a freaking ticket just for that?

“Shush, you want to talk to him too right? Call this mutual benefit.” Hakyeon slowly wipes a wine glass, wondering what took Sanghyuk so long.

“But why my shirt? You could have ask Jaehwan or Hongbin.”

“Because your height matches his the most.” The older of the two simply says, leaving no room for an argument.

Wonshik grunts and places his face down on the bar counter, too tired for all of this. Sanghyuk joins them not long after that, looks all flustered.

The office door swings open and Leo walks out of the room. Hakyeon is the first to look at Leo’s direction and his hands stop altogether on the task they are supposed to work on. Wonshik just has a hard time believing it is his shirt on the man’s body. Sanghyuk cursed under his breath, asking himself what was the point of running away just to have a boner after that anyway.

The deep navy blue shirt falls on and wraps itself around physique just fine. Its wide collar allows others to have a peek at the well-defied collarbones. To make it worse, the color literally makes it looks like Leo’s skin is glowing under the dim lights.

None of them says a word to each other, just silently observing Leo walks by and to the stage.

Oh what a sight.

\----------------

Oddly, Wonshik stays awake the whole time, despite the exhaustion he felt beforehand. The show is over and Leo is taking a bow to the audiences, who clap their hands loudly. Wonshik does not notice the man is heading his way until Leo is standing right beside him.

“Thank you.” A soft voice comes out, it sounds like music to his ears. Maybe this is the reason why Jaehwan is so eager to get to know him?

“What for?” The blond answers shortly, not sure about the reason he is getting thanked at.

“For let me borrowing the shirt. I overheard the conversation so…”

“No don’t worry, I don’t wear it anyway.” Wonshik eyes the black haired male, “I think you should keep it.”

“What? No. How can I…” Leo’s voice is higher and louder than usual, he is completely in shock. How could someone give away their expensive clothe that easily? “I can’t take it.”

“It looks good on you than on me. I won’t wear it anyway so rather letting it get old in my closet, it’s better being worn gorgeously like this.”

Leo opens his mouth in shock, unable to react at the sudden compliment. He feels his cheeks heat up and probably blushing furiously now

“Plus, I am a fan of your skill ok? Consider it a gift from someone who admires you.”

Knowing he can’t decline the offer any longer, he supposes he should be grateful. In addition, there is a warm feeling bubbling up knowing there are people who enjoy his music. It’s the same to when Jaehwan told him he is a fan.

“Then…Thank you very much.” He says with a sincere smile then bows down and bid Wonshik goodbye.

The smile hits Wonshik hard, so hard that he becomes an eight years old boy again. A boy that holds another boy hand, both running uphill to watch the sunset. A boy that sits and waits enthusiastically for the other boy’s fingers to press on the grand piano’s keys.

“Sikkie, I thought of a part like this, listen and tell me how you feel. Ok?”

The melody imprints itself into his mind, and maybe his heart as well.

The music stops and a smile appears.

Oh.

_Oh._

“Okay what was that?” Hakyeon’s voice breaks the beautiful scene Wonshik is seeing. “The stingy Wonshik gives away his expensive shirt. I can see the headline already. Right, Hyuk?” He bumps the younger’s arm.

“Huh? What? Sorry I haven’t been listening.”

“I am not stingy.” Wonshik defends for himself, “And I remember who he is. I know him. Hakyeon, I know him.”

_Taekwoonie._


	3. Who You Really Are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter contains Panic Attack and mentioning of Mental Illness. Please process at your own risk!  
> Btw, this chapter also featuring some minor OCs to push the flow of the story.

Hakyeon can’t almost believe what Wonshik has just said. The blond hair male and Leo know each other? How? Wonshik might not know the current situation of Leo but he does. And it doesn’t make sense.

“What do you mean by that? Are you sure that your memory serves you right?” The oldest furrows his eyebrows.

“Jung Taekwoon.” Wonshik says while looking straight at Hakyeon before breaks into a grin. “That’s his real name, isn’t it?”

“How could you…” The black haired male’s eyes are blown wide. He has never expected this to happen.

“I know him, I told you. Wait until we get home, I’ll tell you more.” The younger cuts Hakyeon off then leaves his seat to get to the office. Not that he could get any sleep with this much of an excitement but he does deserve a rest.

Hakyeon watches Wonshik departure silently and lets out a small sigh. Sanghyuk standing next to him, looking distracted and disdain. It would be tricky to comprehend fully the situation they are currently in. He has no other option but to wait.

\----------------

It’s half past one when they arrived at home, Hakyeon decided to close the bar a little bit early. Hongbin is still up, probably too hooked into a game that he doesn’t notice the time. Jaehwan is sprawling on the couch with his phone in hand, earphones connected.

The brown haired boy’s eyebrow perks up when he sees an oddly energetic Wonshik, a grim-looking Hakyeon and a disdain Sanghyuk walk through the door. What’s with this abnormal combination?

“I know Leo’s real name.” Wonshik has never seen anyone pulls his earphones off so fast that it puts the Flash to shame. But before he can continue, Jaehwan shut him up with a ‘shh’ accompanies with a finger pressed against the full lips.

“Not so loud Wonshik, Hongbin is still up.” Jaehwan whispers and the other three never thought the brown haired male can even talk with the volume this low. “Don’t let him know.”

“Don’t let me know what?” Hongbin calls out from upstairs and Jaehwan rolls his eyes. ‘Speaking of the devil’, he thinks.

“Nothing, get back to your video game, it’s none of your business. Online games can’t be pause, continue or you would drop your precious ranks!”

With the way Jaehwan is reacting, Hongbin is sure that every part of whatever they are talking about is his business. He intended to go downstairs to get something to drink, right in time of Jaehwan little dirty trick to get him being left out.

“Shame on you hyung, I was playing offline game.” Hongbin, allegedly, teleports downstairs just to smirks arrogantly at his hyung. Nobody is going to pull up tricks like this to him. He is Lee Hongbin after all.

The older of the two scoff but does not argue, he is more intrigued in what Wonshik was about to say so he proceeds to ignore Hongbin.

Wonshik takes that as his cue to continue talking.

“Apparently, Leo is my childhood friend. Or used to be.” He announces much to everyone’s shock. “We lived near each other so it was natural that we got closed, but his family moved away when I was eight.”

“So you are saying that you’ve had a hard time remembering your old friend?” Hongbin questions, amusement laces his tone.

“It was fifteen years ago, ok? Had he not been the one who ignited my passion in music, it’d be impossible to remembering at all.” Wonshik explains, he cannot believe that his words being slandered that hard.

“So you’re saying that you’ve had a hard time remembering your old friend who helped you finding the passion of your life thus aiding you stepping foot in the career you are so success in?” Hongbin corrects himself.

Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk laugh mercilessly as Wonshik’s face fell. Hakyeon neck slices all of them to make them shut up.  

“Remember when I said the melody sounds familiar? I was the first person he let listen to the tune he newly thought of.”

“So you’re saying…” Hongbin starts but then trails off with a mumble when facing the oldest male’s heated glare.

“He was so different back then, we got in quite a lot of shenanigans then. He often tricked me into giving him my food though. I wonder why he had grown to be so quiet and shy.” The blond shrugs.

That places a deep brow on Hakyeon’s face but he quickly relaxes himself before anyone could notice. It was Leo’s request to keep his personal life private; therefore, despite feeling guilty for not revealing the truth, he has to act like he knows nothing.

“And what’s Mimi’s real name?” Jaehwan demands the answer that he wants to know for a very long time.

“Mimi? Really? That’s lame, hyung!” Sanghyuk comments on Jaehwan’s choice of nickname. ‘How about ‘Kitten’?’ He asks himself and mentally running the analysis on how fitting the nickname is.

“Jung Taekwoon”. Wonshik answers briefly, “I used to call him Taekwoonie.”

“Taekwoonie?”

“Daegunie?”

“Daegunie?!”

“Daegunie!!”

It is a mess and it’s hard to distinguish what voice belongs to whom. But all agree that ‘Daegunie’ is a hell of a cute nickname.

“He has the same age as Hakyeon hyung. Maybe a several months younger, there was snow on his birthday as far as I can recall.” Memory is slowly coming back to him and Wonshik wonders how much Leo can remember about their past. Surely he has to meet up with the man whose hair is as dark as the night and recite their joyful childhood days together. Just imagining about it is enough to make Wonshik smiles.

“Now that the all the curiosities are sated, I suggest you all go to bed. All of you’ve got job to do, and classes to attend to.” Hakyeon finally speaks up, hushing the others. “I won’t take no as an answer. And Hongbin, don’t even think of playing video games with the lights turned off.”

Though sounding displeased, no one actually opposed to the order. It is indeed late and they need rest.

Hakyeon watches the four younger males scurry off to their rooms, he can’t help but feeling something is going to happen.

\----------------

 

Sunday night, Leo walks to the appointed coffee shop with a thousand questions whirling around inside his head. He doesn’t understand. What business does a man like Kim Wonshik have with a nobody like him? Although he does not appear on the media very often but his songs are sung by some of the most iconic singers in the country. Leo could not describe how surprised he felt when he received a message claiming that the sender is Kim Wonshik and he has one crucial thing that needs to be spoken with him.

The destination is right in front of him but Leo suddenly feels the urge to run away. He knows that he needs to stop living so cowardly, that he needs to be stronger to deal with any hardship throwing his way. But why is it so hard?

With his heartbeat quickens, Leo pushes open the door and walks in. In the corner of his eyes, he notices a bleached blond male sitting in a table near the grand window. The man notices him too as he looks his way and offer a smile. Leo nods and turns around to approach the barista then orders his coffee. Biting his lip, Leo uses all of his mental strength to not turn around, run then hide.

“Glad that you could make it. Thank you for agreeing to come.” Wonshik says with an attractively deep voice, face lightens up when he sees his long lost friend coming near.

“I need to go to work anyway.” The black haired man dismisses the thanks, it’s an hour and a half before the start of his working hour at Hakyeon’s bar. Leo sits down on the seat opposite to the other’s seat. “Thank you about earlier.”

“The shirt? Don’t mention it.” Wonshik smiles, “I want to talk about something else.”

“What would that be?” Not brave enough to meet the other’s eyes, Leo looks down at the table. It feels so wrong all over, he clenches his fists so hard under the table that nail marks imprint deep into his palm.

“Your real name is Jung Taekwoon, right?”

With one simple question, Leo sees the ground under his feet turns into a giant black hole threatening to swallow him whole. Everything in front him breaks into million pieces.

The voices return.

They come back to torment him again.

“No.” Leo breaths out.

“What?”

“NO.” He stands up with his now shaky legs, doing his best not to topple over. Leo walks out of the café as fast as he can.

Wonshik is shocked with the affirmation. He doubts himself for a second but Hakyeon has already confirmed it so there is no way that Leo is not Taekwoon. He stands up and rushes after the said man, ignoring all the looks and talks from other customers.

“Wait!” He calls out before grabbing Leo’s hand in fear that the older would just vanish. “What do you mean by no?”

Leo tries to pull his hand back but the iron grip of the blond makes it impossible to do so. He begins to shake uncontrollably, his vision blurred.

“I don’t know who that is, I don’t know any one by that name, I don’t know anything.” His voice cracks.

“That’s not true. Hakyeon confirmed it, you are Taekwoon. Do you remember me? I’m…”

“I AM NOT HIM!” Leo screams and Wonshik’s eyes open wide in shock. In contrast of his usual soft and quiet voice, it’s so loud that people on the street stop their pace to look at them. The black haired male yanks his hand out of the grip so hard to the point that he does not care if he is going to injure himself or not.

Then he runs.

He doesn’t care where he is heading to.

He must get away from that place.

The constricted pain in his chest makes breathing so hard that it suffocates him.

His legs give up and Leo falls onto the hard concrete, the hard surface scratches his arms and blood starts trickling down. Tears streaming down his face and land onto the pavement.

No, he can’t stay here, he must hide so they can’t catch him.

\----------------

 

“You what?!” Hakyeon yells after Wonshik told him what happened. His instinct was right.

“I don’t understand. Why did he run away? God. Did I do something wrong?” The blond rubs the back of his neck furiously, not caring that the skin has already redden up. “I tried to call him but he didn’t pick up.”

“Let me try then.” The older male takes out his phone and starts dialing. The result is not unexpected but it only makes both of them feel worse. The matter is brought up to Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk. Unfortunately, none of them succeeds in contacting Leo.

He doesn’t show up to work that night.

\----------------

It’s past midnight when Leo reaches his ‘home’. He walks through the blacken hall, carefully opens the door of the grand bedroom to make sure that he wakes none of the sleeping figures up and then slips in to a smaller room.

This used to be a storage room but it was redecorated for his personal use. It’s cramp up and the tiny window on one side of the walls has only one purpose, which is telling him if it’s morning or night.

Leo curves up on the small bed, embracing himself and squeezing his eyes shut in hope of the darkness and fatigue would shut everything down, giving him some peace.

But they keep calling for him. All the voices.

_“Taekwoon-ah.”_

_“Taekwoon, I’m sorry.”_

_“Taekwoon…”_

_“Forgive me.”_

A sob breaks out, he doesn’t get any sleep that night. He thinks he deserves it.

 

\----------------

 

“Any luck?” Jaehwan asks when Hongbin walks down the stairs. The younger male just shrugs.

Last night was crazy with Hakyeon kept pacing back and forth and Wonshik sat quietly, feeling confused, upset, angry and guilty at the same time. Sanghyuk was directed to manage the bar while Hakyeon tried to find a solution.

No phone call got through, no message replied.

No one can understand what had happened and why, not even Hakyeon. He knows some details of Leo’s life as he interviewed him but not enough to have an accurate conclusion.

Has something occurred in the past that drove him into fearing his own name? Did someone poison his mind and destroy his self-esteem?

Hakyeon couldn’t know, unless Leo tells him.

“Everyone calms down. If he doesn’t come to work today either, I’d pay him a visit tomorrow.” He reassures.

With that, they seem to relax a bit.

But there is no sight of Leo that night either.

\----------------

 

Hakyeon stands in front of the entrance of an old and small two stories building. The lights are turned on, it’s six in the evening after all. He knows how busy Leo can get during the day so he decides to come at night.

A middle-aged lady comes out to greet him when he walks through the gate.

“Hello there. How can I help you?” She asks with a gentle smile.

“Good evening, ma’am. My name is Cha Hakyeon, I’m looking for Jung Taekwoon.” He politely answers her question but she frowns at him.

“Please call him Leo, dear. What business do you have with him?” Her voice is still gentle yet she seems to be very skeptical about Hakyeon.

“He works as a pianist at my place, ma’am. He hadn’t shown up to work for the last two days and I am very worried. I gave me no reason and I couldn’t contact him either.” The sincerity in his voice makes the lady lowers her guard. It’s obvious that she is very protective of Leo.

“Then you are his boss. How irresponsible of him to do that, I apologize in his place.” She says with a bow, “Please excuse him. He is… unwell.”

“He is sick? Have he gone to the hospital?” The lady shakes her head at his questions, he frowns at that.

“I’m sorry but it’s not, you know, physical.”

The information is what Hakyeon had expected but there is no ounce of relief coming from that. If anything, he thinks that it’s much better hurting physically than mentally. It’s clear that Leo has been suffering the past two days and there’s nothing he could do about it.

“I consider him as a friend. So please if there is anything I can do to help, let me try it.” The dark skin male replies in a firm voice, he has no intention to leave if he doesn’t meet Leo yet.   

The lady looks at him all over and then sighs.

“Persistent, aren’t you.” She comments, leading him into the building. “Maybe you could talk to him, help him clear his mind a little bit.” She stops, turns back to look at him, “But please do you push him. He is unstable right now, try not to make it worse. Wait here, let me go get him for you.”

Hakyeon nods. He watches the lady walks through the hall and disappears into a bedroom with bunk beds positioned near each other. With nothing to do, he averts his gaze around and right then he spot a little girl, about six or seven years old, staring at him.

“Hi there,” He smiles at the girl, “What’s your name?”

“It’s Na-young. Are you Leo oppa’s friend?”

“Hello Na-young, I’m Hakyeon. And yes, I’m his friend.”

“Can you make him smile please? All he does now is crying and he doesn’t play with us anymore.” She pouts, “Friends are supposed to make each other happy, right? He taught us that. Can you, please?”

“He cries?”

“Yeah, we tried to make him smile but it didn’t work.” Her little face saddens. “It’s like he doesn’t like us anymore.”

“There, there.” He comes close and pats her head. Hakyeon kneels down so he can easily talk to her. “I’m sure he cares a lot about all of you. It’s because he is feeling unwell right now that he can’t play with you or smiles like he used to, ok? Keep him company and don’t stop cheering him. It’ll make him feel better eventually, I promise.”

The girl nods at his words and offers him a smile. She runs away with an ‘I know what to do’. She is ridiculously mature for a child her age. Hakyeon wonders if it’s because of the environment.

“Hakyeon-ssi.” A voice calls out to him. The lady has returned and follows her is none other than the person he is looking for.

Leo’s dark and silky hair is unkempt, loose strands fall over his face. His skin is even more pale than usual, the rims of his eyes are red and his cheeks hollow. Hakyeon has no idea how Leo had become like this in just two days.

“Let’s go outside.” The younger male said, his voice is tired and hoarse.

Hakyeon follows without any opposition, he guesses that whatever their conversation might become, Leo wouldn’t want the kids to hear it. So they go outside, both sitting on an old wooden bench, looking at a poor excuse of a playground.

“I am sorry.” Leo whispers.

“What for?” Hakyeon asks back.

“For making you worry.” With his eyes fixate on the ground, the fair skin male answer.

“Do you know why I am worried? Here’s a hint, it’s not because my employee didn’t show up to work.”

Leo shakes his head.

“It’s because I consider you my friend. I care for your well-being.” Hakyeon says slowly, making sure the younger hears all his words.

Leo’s head snaps up, looking at the older with disbelief. Look at all the friends that Hakyeon has: an amazing vocalist, a successful composer, a rising model/actor and an intelligent and strong top student. Who is he to compare to them?

“It’s not that hard to believe if you have more faith in yourself, Leo.” Hakyeon smiles, placing a hand on the younger’s back and starts rubbing it. “If you check your phone, you can see Jaehwan and Hongbin are concerned too. They’re your friends, aren’t they? You guys have been texting each other, that’s what friends do.”

“No I can’t…” A sniffle and Leo’s eyes begin to waters. “I’ll just be a burden. No… you shouldn’t…”

The younger’s hand grips his chest and Hakyeon notices that he has hard time breathing. Leo’s whole body tenses up and starts shaking with him sobbing.

Dealing with people is a part of his job so Hakyeon took some psychology classes before the started his business. He was taught many things and he taught himself a lot of things. This he can recognize.

A panic attack.

Hakyeon moves and kneels before Leo, he puts a hand on the side of the younger’s arm and starts rubbing gently.

“Leo, listen to me. You need to breath.” He instructs in short and simple sentences. “In. And out. In. And out.”

About two minutes passed and Leo’s breathing becomes steadier, though still heavy.

“That’s it, baby. You’re doing well.” Hakyeon keeps on instructing Leo how to breathe after saying encouraging words. After two or three more minutes, the younger finally calms down.

The fatigue takes over him and Leo topples over, only to be embrace by Hakyeon. The older runs his hand through Leo’s hair and the other circling the small of his back. Leo wants to cry, not because of the sadness or the fear, it’s because he feels so protected and safe. The warmness of Hakyeon’s body against his makes him wants to stay like this forever.

“Sorry for troubling you like this.” Leo says after a while.

“You need to stop apologizing, baby.”

“Sorry.” He mutters, too tired to notice that the older has been calling him ‘baby’ for several times already.

Hakyeon laughs at that.

“There is no trouble at all. I know you think that you’re bothering me, but you are not. Do you feel troubled when you’re taking care of the kids? You don’t. Then why do you think you don’t deserve the same?”

Leo stays quiet. Maybe he is thinking about it, or maybe he doesn’t know what to say. Hakyeon does not know, but the younger’s calming heartbeats tell him that he is ok with it. That he is ok with being taken care of. Even if just for the moment, Hakyeon still considers it a win.

“There is nothing wrong with seeking help. No human can survive alone after all. So feel free to reach out for us, for me when you need help, can you promise me that?” The older smiles when he feels Leo nods his head slightly.

“Leo, are you mad at me?” Hakyeon asks.

“Why should I?” A confusion laced voice replies.

“For revealing for name, of course.”

“You didn’t. He figured it out by himself, didn’t he?” Leo states it like a fact, to which Hakyeon surprise why he knows. But he doesn’t want to push Leo out of his limit so he doesn’t say anything more.

Hakyeon feels the weight pressed against his body gradually increases as minutes passed. Assuming that Leo’s drifting off, he pulls back a little just to put his arm under the younger’s knees and lift him up. The hours he spent at the gym do not betray him at all as he carries Leo to his bed. But he finds displeasure on how small and suffocating the room is. After leaving a note that he’ll return tomorrow, Hakyeon says his goodbye to the lady and departs.

Leo has a dreamless sleep this night, not even a whisper comes close.

\----------------

 

“Sanghyuk, wake up.”

“Wake up already, I need your help.”

Sanghyuk wakes up with a hand patting his face. The first thing he sees in the morning is Hakyeon.

“Wow nightmare looks so real.” Sanghyuk mumbles and that earns him a slap on his chest. Winces in pain, the boy is now completely awake by Hakyeon’s brutality.

“What was that for hyung?!” He groans.

“We are going to the supermarket. There are a lot of things I want to buy so I need you help me carrying them.” The older speaks then leaves the room, as if Sanghyuk’s opinion on that doesn’t matter. If that’s not offensive then Sanghyuk doesn’t know what is.

Nevertheless, the youngest still washes himself up, changes his clothes, has breakfast them accompanies his hyung to the supermarket.

“Why are we buying so many children toys and snack hyung? Even if for giving out gifts purpose, isn’t it a little bit too much?” Sanghyuk voices out his confusion. He knows Hakyeon has always been strange but this is a new level.

“We are visiting Leo. I promised him yesterday.” The dark skin male says without looking up, still trying to decide which doll is prettier. “You’ll know when you get there.”

With the aid of Sanghyuk, all the newly bought goods are quickly stocked into Hakyeon’s car. Sanghyuk fastens his seatbelt as the older hits the gas pedal and drives the car to the outskirt of the city.

The grey haired boy didn’t understand much from the beginning and now he is completely lost. What does visiting Leo has anything to do with an orphanage?

“Why are we here again?”

“To visit Leo, I told you. Is your brain not functioning right again?” Hakyeon rolls his eyes.

“Okay, what is the relation between visiting Leo and an orphanage?” Sanghyuk tries again, his voice so low it almost comes out as a growl.

“Being a caretaker is his fulltime job.” This time, Hakyeon’s answer makes sense.

“Really? Why someone with talent like him choose to be a caretaker as his fulltime job though.”

“Because he grew up here.” The older male answers simply and then leads on. They enter the orphanage with a whole lot of gift for the children that are abandoned by their birth parents.

The shock hasn’t completely worn off on Sanghyuk’s mind yet. Wonshik told them that Leo moved away with his parents when he was about ten, which mean he lost his parents along the way?

‘That’s just depressing’ he tells himself. He has never given a thought about how complicated Leo’s life actually is. And if he is being honest with himself, he thought the others were making a fuss when Leo went M.I.A on them. Now he feels like he’s such a douche.

“Hakyeon-ssi, you come again.” The middle-aged lady greets the older male. “And who would you be, handsome child?” She then turns to him and asks.

“My name is Sanghyuk, but calling me Hyuk is fine.” He smiles and she nods at that.

“How is Leo, ma’am?” Hakyeon asks her.

“Just call me Jieun, dear. ‘Ma’am’ making me sounds old.” She laughs before changing her expression. “He’s still in bad shape but I think he’s making progress. He’s in the kitchen prepping lunch for the kids now.”

“Thank you, Jieun-ssi. Hyuk-ah, help me give out the gifts, I’m going to check on him and assist him with the cooking.”

Sanghyuk pales immediately, there’s no way he is going to let Hakyeon poisons all these innocent children. It all falls on him to stop the devil in time.

Luckily, a small girl approaches Hakyeon.

“Ah! It’s Hakyeon oppa!” She exclaims, sounding excited.

“Hello Na-young, nice to meet you again.” He pats her head.

“I did what you told oppa, I gave Leo oppa a flower with a letter this morning. And Leo oppa smiled at me!” She enthusiastically relives the story.

“That’s good, Na-young. What did you write in the letter?” Hakyeon compliments the little girl, she has done well.

“I wrote in ‘Leo oppa, I love you, please marry me’. In the movies, people get happy every time they are told that so I tried it and it worked!”

“You are so clever, Na-young.” The dark skin male’s smile is a little bit frozen now but he makes a good attempt to cover it.

“You helped me oppa so I’m going to introduce you to my friends.” She says and takes his hand, dragging him away.

It’s a God given chance so Sanghyuk won’t let that going to waste. Making a statement about helping in the kitchen, ignoring Hakyeon’s betrayed look, he slips away from the chaos.

Sanghyuk is greeted by an apron-wearing Leo as soon as he enters the kitchen. He thinks maybe saving children from being poisoned is not that good of an idea after all.

“Sanghyuk? Why are you here?” Leo notices the tall boy, confused a bit then remembers something. “You come with Hakyeon?”

“Yeah, he is playing with the children right now so let me help you with lunch.” Sanghyuk offers while going closer to the older male. Only then he realizes how terrible Leo’s condition is.

“It’s almost done so you don’t have to.” Leo shakes his head and goes back to cutting the vegetables.

“Please don’t exert yourself. I’m not totally useless in the kitchen so I can help with small tasks.” He jokes.

“Then…um…help me boil the water?” The older asks and Sanghyuk complies.

The younger assumes that this kettle of boiling water would be used to cook something but he was wrong. Leo takes out a baby bottle from a cabinet, puts in three spoonful of powdered milk inside. He then pours in the bottle both hot and cold water with some kind of ratio. To finish, he drips the milk on his wrist, by which Sanghyuk guesses it’s for checking the temperature.

Just when he wonders for whom the bottle of milk is prepared, a loud wail comes.

Leo grabs the bottle than rushes to the room next door. There is a crib with an infant inside of it. The black haired male gently lifts the baby up, rocking back and forth to calm it down a bit. After that he proceeds to feed the baby.

It’s not like this is the first time Sanghyuk sees someone bottle feeds a baby. But somehow the scene gives out an intimating feeling that could melt the coldest heart. He just loves the way Leo’s hand pats the baby lovingly, the way he gently holds the baby and looks at it with utmost adoration.

It’s so disgustingly beautiful. In Sanghyuk’s standard.

He later knows that the baby’s name is Minyul, a boy, and he was left here when he was just three months old. He is, in fact, a fussy baby. However, he always calms down when Leo holds him, plays with him or sings him a lullaby. Either Minyul is weird, or it’s just the charm that the black haired male possesses.

The lunch is made without any accident and the rest of the afternoon is uneventful. Leo amazes both Hakyeon and Sanghyuk on how skillful he is when taking care of the children. The only caretakers here are Jieun and Leo. With the age of Jieun, Leo no doubt is the one who takes care of most things.

In the evening, Hakyeon and Sanghyuk bid farewell to all the children. Leo walks with them to their car to see them off.

“I’ll go back to work tomorrow.” Leo tells Hakyeon his decision.

“Don’t. I give you a week off, just relax and take it slow, ok?” The older puts his hand on Leo’s shoulder. “But I need you to promise me one thing. When you get back, talk with Wonshik. He has been blaming himself.”

“I…I’m sorry. It’s not his fault.” He says with a guilty look on his face, “I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s not your fault either.” Hakyeon cuts him off, ending his self-blaming trail of thought. “I need you to relax and love yourself more. I’ll see you in a week.”

Leo has so many thoughts that even after the car had completely disappeared from sight, he’s still standing there. For once, positive thoughts come to him. Maybe…Maybe this is the time that he starts fighting back.

\----------------

 

“What with that serious look, hyung?” Sitting in the car, Sanghyuk finally asks. Hakyeon has been looking so tensed from lunch time up until now. He covers it well but Sanghyuk lives in the same house with him.

Hakyeon furrows his eyebrows as he remembers the conversation he had with Jieun when Leo was still making lunch.

_“I know this is sudden, Jieun-ssi, but there’s a thing the bother me greatly.” He confessed when they were standing in a quiet corner._

_“What would that be, dear?”_

_“It’s the fact that Leo is terrified of his own name.” Once the sentence was finished, Jieun’s face had become so grim and serious. She was obviously looking uncomfortable too._

_“This is a matter that Leo wants to keep private. So I’m not in a position to say anything.” She tried to invade but Hakyeon would not let that happen._

_“Because it’s too private it’s hurting him. And you know that.” He called out the fact that he had noticed._

_Sadness overwhelmed Jieun and she let out a shaky breath._

_“I cannot tell you the whole thing as I promised him. It’s the best that he can open up about it by himself. But there is one thing…”_

“Hyuk-ah, he has PTSD. Not had. He fucking HAS PTSD.” Hakyeon growls.

\----------------

After they got back home, Hakyeon went to find Wonshik and kept him up to date with the status of Leo. Wonshik was reassured and Hakyeon promised that Leo would talk to him personally. It was a situation where none of them was at fault so he shouldn’t be worried too much.

Hakyeon tiredly sits on the couch and suddenly his eyes meet with Jaehwan’s meaningful look.

“You went to a great extent to help him, huh?” The brown haired boy comments.

“Oh, stop giving me that look.” But then Hakyeon smiles, “Just so you know, I like him first.”

 

 

 


	4. I'll bring you the stars.

The say that time gone by fast, but to Wonshik it couldn’t be further from the truth. A week, as he was promised, feels like a century that has not been completed yet. Wonshik looks at the table calendar and sighs, five days were over, only one and a half day to go. The wait is silently killing him. Sometimes he has the urge to just drive to where Leo lives, it was not a secret any longer after Hakyeon brought Sanghyuk there. From what Wonshik can interpret, the oldest of them revealed this information as a silent encouragement for Jaehwan and Hongbin to go meet him.

  
Sadly, Hongbin had to fly across the country to do a promo for the new campaign. Nothing is really certain but maybe there is a chance that he could get his hair colour changed.

  
Jaehwan didn’t really make any move at first, like this does not concern him at all. Though, he basically went frantic when he heard Leo did not come to work after the incident. In the past five days, Wonshik caught him discretely sending looks towards Hakyeon when the older man was not looking. Jaehwan is the type who prefers to speak his mind so this seems odd to Wonshik. But then yesterday night, the brown haired boy went out at ten p.m, only to return at three in the morning. Wonshik was still awake at that time, he couldn’t sleep with all the anxiety he was feeling. He hadn’t seen such excitement written on Jaehwan’s face for a very long time. He discovered something great, perhaps, Wonshik could only guess.

  
Beside those small changes between them, it feels like their life has gone back to be how it once was. Thankfully, work was enough to keep Wonshik occupied and prevented his mind from reliving the feared look on Leo’s face as he freed himself from Wonshik’s grip.

  
If time is what Leo needs, he is going to give it to him. Every time the urge rises, he tries his best to suppress it. Such a gentle soul he is, Wonshik does not want Leo to be more hurt than he already is. No matter what his problem is, even if it’s not something can be fixed with warm hugs and encouraging words, Wonshik will find a way to help his long lost friend.

  
Not that he wants to, but he needs to. For what reason, he doesn’t know yet.

 

\----------------

 

It’s eight in the evening when Jaehwan finally regains his freedom. He hit the gas pedal of his car and starts driving to each of the destinations that he’d set beforehand. Making plan and Jaehwan might not seem to be fitting to be put in a same sentence but the result is different from all the assumptions. In his defense, it’s just that he doesn’t want to do it, not that he can’t do it.  
Checking the memo he made on his phone again, making sure that there is no items that he forgot to buy. Satisfied with what he’d done, Jaehwan hits the road and heads to the place he needs to be.

  
The outskirt is undoubtedly peaceful at night. The traffic isn’t much and the people reside at their own safe and cozy haven after a long day. It’s just the road and Jaehwan. He knows that tomorrow is the day Leo has to face whatever he fears and Jaehwan doubts that he is the kind of person who goes back on their own words.

  
Oh well, for better or for worse, he couldn’t sit still anyway.

  
The car stops in front of the orphanage when it’s half past nine. There are only a few rooms with the lights on, for normal family, the young children should be ready to go to bed by now so it’s not surprising. Taking out his phone, Jaehwan starts dialing. And Leo picks up.

  
The brown haired boy steps out of his car while waiting for the lithe figure that could appear any minute now. Not to disappoint Jaehwan, Leo is getting closer and closer to the gate. About a minute more and he is standing right in front of Jaehwan. He looks like he doesn’t have any idea what is going on and why Jaehwan his here at this hour.

  
Just like the younger planned.

  
“Long time no see.” Jaehwan uses the charming grin of his to greet the just-arrived male.

  
“Yeah,” Leo agrees, “It’s been a while.”

  
“The kids have gone to bed already, hm?” He asks and only continues after the received a nod.

“Which mean you are relatively free now, right? Go somewhere with me.”

  
“Right now?” The black haired male frowns, “I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s late.”

  
“There are things that you could only see when late.” Jaehwan goes around his car to open the passenger seat door and holds it. “Plus, this means to be a surprise for you. Trust me, you won’t regret this at all. I have high hop for this.”  
There is the puppy look again and Leo is extremely weak against it. It’s an art that Jaehwan had practiced so hard on, of course it is going to be a killer move when used correctly.

  
“Even if I ask for what this is done, you’re not going to answer, aren’t you?” Leo sighs, trying to make up his mind whether or not he should follow Jaehwan ominous plan or not.

  
The younger of the two just shrugs and flashes out a blinding smile. He’s come this far and he won’t let Leo get away. This is for the other’s own good only.

  
“Ok, fine, I’ll go.” The fair skin male gives in, not wanting to cause a scene right in front of the orphanage because he knows how persistence Jaehwan can be. Climbing into the passenger seat, he only wishes that whatever it is, they are going to return in one piece, and alive.

  
Another step completed, there is only one more square box to check on Jaehwan’s list.

  
It’s quiet inside the car, the only sounds are the noise of the working engine and the soft humming of Jaehwan after some songs. Leo isn’t sure what to say in situations like this so he says nothing and look outside the window. With the limited light offered from the street lamps, there is no way Leo could tell where they are going. They are a lone car on the darken street. It feels like the World revolves around them and them only at the moment.

  
Jaehwan turns the car and enters a dirt trail. The trail is steep and little bit bumpy, had he not been careful, Leo could have smash his forehead against the glass. He was about to question why Jaehwan brought him to the middle of nowhere after at least fifteen minutes when the car is abruptly stops.

  
“We’ll have to walk for the rest of the trip.” Before the older male could protest, Jaehwan undoes his seat belt and steps out of the car.

  
Leo sighs in defeat and proceeds to get out as well. Jaehwan is taking something out of the trunk.

  
“Come,” he says with a huge paper bag in his hand, while slamming the trunk close.

  
Following the brown haired boy’s lead, Leo is surprised that there are steps which were made from stones leading uphill. Once again, silent fells upon them. Only the sounds of footsteps and insects noises are their friends. It’s not familiar to him at all when Jaehwan is this quiet and serious. Leo wonders if there is anything happened, or maybe those rumors still have a bad effect on the younger male that he is in need of some company.   
Thinking of all the messages that Jaehwan had sent him during the week, Leo feels ashamed as he didn’t reply many of them. The boy has already had to deal with all the problems and he made him worried. The dark haired male hangs his head low, he doesn’t know how to face Jaehwan at all.

  
“What are you thinking, Mimi?” a voice whispered right into his ear and Leo jumps. Jaehwan, who originally was a few steps ahead of him, now standing next to him. He feels the tip of his ear heats up when Jaehwan looks at him with a cheeky smirk.

  
Why does Jaehwan appear so suddenly right next to him? And what with the ‘Mimi’? There’s no way that the younger male uses that to address him, right?

  
“What do you mean by ‘Mimi’?” Leo questions, hoping that Jaehwan would affirm his doubt.

“Your nickname, of course. You are cute so ‘Mimi’ fits you much better.” Not leaving the chance for a protest, Jaehwan puts his arm around Leo’s shoulders. “Come now, the surprise won’t wait forever you know.”

  
Leo’s heartbeat quickens rapidly when Jaehwan holds him close like that. He is not used to receiving affection from other people, aside from Jieun and the kids, and Hakyeon recently, Jaehwan is the only one. And to make everything worse for him, the brown haired boy just blatantly said that he found Leo cute.

  
This is not at all healthy for his heart.

  
“I am not cute.” He quietly denies. How can someone like him be considered cute?

  
“You have to work harder than that to convince me otherwise.” Jaehwan tightens his hold and continues to climb the stone steps.

  
Leo has no other choice but to follows, their footsteps match each other like they’ve been practicing. After a while, the seemingly endless steps have finally come to an end. That’s when Jaehwan loosens the arm warping around the black haired male’s shoulders. But before Leo could react about the sudden loss of the comfortable warmness, a hand reaches for his.

  
“Be careful, the surface is a bit slippery due to the moss. Hold on to me so if you slip, I can catch you in time.” Jaehwan winks.

  
“I don’t think…” Of course Leo wants to argue. He is not the clumsy type, he can handle himself just fine. But his words are cut short with Jaehwan’s voice overlapping with his.

  
“Alright let’s move. You are going to love this.”

  
Jaehwan is going to have it his way no matter what, isn’t he? Leo rolls his eyes but does not resist. He thinks that Jaehwan is not feeling well so it’s best to go with it if that makes the younger happy.

  
Because they are friends, just like Hakyeon said.  
Jaehwan turns back and gives him a smile, his fingers points at the sight in front of Leo’s eyes. Under the pale moon light, the crowded and glamorous city, in his point of view appears to be so distant and small. Because it’s pretty late into the night already, the city lights aren’t as bright as he remembers anymore. In contrast of the artificial lights made by human, a night sky full of stars is right above him. The gentle wind grazes his skin and intertwines with his silky hair. This is a scene that he knows that could calm his beating heart, the serenity fills the air and somehow he just wants to close his eyes and become one with this place.

  
“Charmed?”

  
Leo nods, he is very much so.

  
“Guess so.” Jaehwan chuckles, “Don’t just stand there, come here and sit down. There is still something for you.” He sits down on a wooden bench nearby and pats the space next to him. And the older male complies.

  
Jaehwan opens the bag that he was carrying all the way here. The first thing that he takes out is a thermos bottle and then several types of cookies stored inside a transparent plastic box. The brown haired boy places them on the bench, in the space between them.

  
“This is for you.” The younger of the two points to the thermos and the cookies, “Try and tell me what you think.”

  
Leo doesn’t know why Jaehwan brings all these things for him but he doesn’t voice his confusion. He reaches for the thermos and twists open the cap and then the lid inside. The fragrance of high class coffee bean fills his nostrils.

  
“It’s latte, your favorite drink. Hongbin told me about it. There was a bit of a problem for the barista to put the latte inside of the thermos, but he managed.” The pink haired boy gave Jaehwan all the useful info before he had to go to the airport. “He also told me you like sweets. In fact, this place is his suggestion. Had he not been busy with work, the one who sitting with you here is likely him than me.” Jaehwan admits.

  
“Why?” Leo isn’t sure what to think anymore.

  
“We know what you are going to do tomorrow, so this is just an attempt to help you relax.” Jaehwan answers sincerely. “I don’t know as much details as Hakyeon but I do know that you are going through a tough time.” The younger male puts his hand on the side of Leo’s arm then rubs it gently.

  
And here Leo thought Jaehwan does this for himself. Not only Jaehwan but also Hongbin want to him to feel better. Despite the warmness that is spreading from his heart to his whole body, Leo tells himself to fight it. He grabs the hand rubbing his arm to stop it.

  
“Doing all this… Aren’t you guys afraid that I would become dependent on you? Aren’t you afraid that I would only drag you down with me?” Leo raises his voice. He feels safe when under the care of them. Too safe, in fact, that he is scared that it would just disappear and leave him alone again. So it’s much better to not accept them at all. It’s much better to just live in solitude like before.

  
“You know, I’ve been hitting the gyms for years. I’m stronger that I seem to be. I doubt you could drag me down easily.” Jaehwan pulls his sleeve up to show his bicep and then flexes.

  
The well-defined muscle somehow makes Leo temporary forgets his point.

  
“Wha… That’s not what I meant!” The older male raises his hand up hit the other’s flexing bicep. The force he uses is so small that Jaehwan is not sure if Leo is really displeased or is teasing.

  
“I know, but your point is not relevant so I didn’t think there was a need for me to respond seriously.” Jaehwan shrugs.

  
“How is that not relevant?” Leo argues, a little bit mad that the brown haired boy didn’t take him seriously.

  
“Because you are not dragging anyone down and we are doing this for our own selfishness also. I only do this because I want to see you happy and well. There is no obligation for me to do this or no one threaten me into caring for you. It’s all my selfishness leading my way.” He stops, “If I get in trouble, are you willing to help if you can?"

  
Leo nods.

  
“Hypocrisy, aren’t you?” Jaehwan smiles, lifts his hand to pat the older male’s head. “Wanting to help but not wanting to be helped. Give and take is a part of life you know?”

  
“What did I give you then?” The black haired male has not given up yet.

  
“Inspiration? Happiness? Friendship?” The younger lists out, “Those are some invaluable things that you can’t buy even if you have mountains of money. So stop thinking too much, you have to have more faith in yourself.”

  
“…Hakyeon said the exact same thing last week.” Leo says after a minute or two of silence.

  
“Really?! Great, now I feel tainted. This is what you get when you become his best friend for too long.” Jaehwan grumbles.

  
With that, Leo lets out a small laugh.

  
“Aweeee, Mimi, laugh more often please. You look so cute while laughing.” He teases and Leo immediately blushes.

  
“Please stop calling me that!” The older male protests.

  
“Stop what, hmm? Stop calling you cute or stop calling you ‘Mimi’? You need to be more specific.” Jaehwan asks with fake concern in his voice.

  
“How about both?” Leo glares.

  
“Wow you are so greedy. You can’t always have all that you want you. I’ll let you choose between them, is that good enough?” The brown haired boy raises an eyebrow.

  
“Stop with the ‘cute’, then, as I am not.” He sighs in defeat, he has concluded that arguing with Jaehwan is like getting lost in an endless maze, there is no way out.

  
“As you wish, my adorable Mimi.” Sending out a playful wink just to receive a heated glare back, Jaehwan changes the subject. “Alright, alright. Drink your coffee when it’s still hot. Also, try the cookies, they’re my favourite.”

Little did Jaehwan know, distracting Leo with food is an excellent strategy that could be applied in almost every situation where they anger him.   
Observing Leo’s expression as the black haired male drinks the latte and has a bite at the cookies, Jaehwan wonders what had happened that drove this wonderful individual into an emotional and self-loathing mess.

  
Life is indeed cruel sometimes. His life has been smooth and happy so he didn’t have a clue on how living with agony feels like. They said ignorance is bliss, now, he thinks it’s one of the cruelest things one could do.

  
The phone screen tells Jaehwan that it’s half past eleven when all the cookies are finished by them. Despite his effort to cover for it, Leo is drifting off a little bit. He had been working from early in the morning until after diner time anyway.

  
“Let’s go back.” The younger male suggests and Leo agrees. “Do you need me to give you a piggy-back ride back?”

  
“What for? Last time I checked I was still capable of walking.”

  
“Then at least open your eyes please, you can barely keep them open.” Jaehwan points out, “It’s dangerous walking around here like that.”

  
“Isn’t it more dangerous to walk around here carrying someone else?” Leo strikes back.

  
“But I am strong so carrying you would be a walk in a park. Plus, you have to work early in the morning don’t you? You can use some rest on the trip back.” Jaehwan reasons, sounding as logical as he could ever be.

  
Here they go again. Leo admits he is too tired for this. Why does he lose every argument which he engages in with Jaehwan?

  
“Then if you are tired please put me down right away.” He gives in. If he doesn’t, the other would probably talk him to death.

  
And that leads to Leo settles on Jaehwan’s back. The brown haired boy trains a lot to have enough stamina to keep up with the musicals so this is no hard work to him. But then, Leo is too light for someone his height. Jaehwan isn’t sure if he has always this light or what happened a week ago had made such an impact. Either way, the older male needs to gain some weight.

  
The younger male could feel clearly the heartbeat of the other against his back. It’s fast, maybe because Leo is nervous? He has no way to know. But it gradually slows down and Jaehwan loves the calming feeling it gives.

  
Half way down the steps, Jaehwan realizes that Leo felt asleep already. He smiles and continues walking until they reach his car. With great effort, he unlocks the back seat door without waking Leo up. After helping the older male lies down on the back seat, Jaehwan fishes his phone out of his jean pocket and takes a picture. Hongbin is going to be so envious of him, Jaehwan knows that.  
The car engines are powered up a minute after that. The destination is Leo’s ‘home’.

 

\----------------

 

“Stop pacing Wonshik, you’re making me dizzy.” Hakyeon exclaims. The younger male has been doing that for at least fifteen minutes already. They are currently inside his office at the bar, waiting for Leo to come.

  
“I can’t sit still, this is killing me.” Wonshik throws his arms into the air. He knows now is not the time they agree to meet yet but time is flowing painfully slow, it almost driving him insane.

  
Hakyeon opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by a knock on the door. Wonshik runs towards the door with the speed of light, knowing it must be Leo, Sanghyuk never bothers to knock. The door flies open and Leo is standing on the other side, looking as nervous as he is.

  
“Hi.” He greets, not knowing what else to say.

  
“Hi.” Leo greets back, offering a stiff smile.

  
And they just stand there like that.

  
“How about you guys come in here and talk, I’ll go outside and prepare the bar for tonight, hmm?” The oldest male rolls his eyes, clearly lost all of his patience.

  
“Yeah, we should do that.” The blond agrees then steps aside to make way for Leo.

  
Leo goes into the office, Hakyeon gives him a pat on his shoulder and a reassuring smile while on his way out. With the door now shut, there are only Wonshik and Leo in the room, the awkward silence is pretty…awkward.

  
“About last week…”

  
“About the other day…”

  
They start at the same time. Both stop what they are saying and the silence is back again, with even more awkwardness.

  
“You first.”

  
“You go first.”

  
They do it again, thankfully, both burst out laughing this time. This is so cliché yet so funny given the situation.

  
“I think I should start first.” Leo says and the blond just nods. “About the other day, I’m sorry for denying the truth. I am him.”

  
The black haired male clenches his fists, it’s not easy for him to admit it as he is still terrified.

  
“There is something wrong with me…” He lets out a shaky breath, trying his best to hold back the tears. “I am not fine.”

  
“If this is hard, you don’t have to.” Wonshik tries to reassure the older male but he is cut off with a head shake.

  
“No I have to. I’ve been hiding for far too long, I can’t go on like that.” That’s the truth and he knew it long ago. Yet, he still chose to avoid the harsh truth and refused to face whatever makes him feel guilty and hurt. His problem can’t go away, especially if he keeps on ignoring it, it’d just get worse.

  
“I… I can’t tell you the details.” He sniffs, “I don’t think I’m ready yet.” Leo wipes away the tears that are rolling down his cheeks before continues with a shaky voice. “I need help… They said I have PTSD.”

  
After finishing his sentence, Leo feels arms wrap around his body, pulling him into a tight embrace. He closes his eyes, let the tears streaming down. He suddenly thinks that it's alright like this. No one is making fun of him, no one is calling him a coward, no one is giving him the pitied look. There is only concern, and caring.

  
Maybe being taken care of is not bad at all. Leo knows he isn't opposed to all the gentle touches which help him calm down, all the kind words which make him believe that he matters and all the smiles which makes him feel like he is able to bring happiness to others.

  
And that is plenty good enough to him.

  
"No need to push yourself too much. You've done a good job already." Wonshik tells him then tighten his hold a little bit more.

  
"One day." He promises, "One day I'll be able to tell you everything."

  
"I'll wait." Wonshik pulls back to takes out a handkerchief. He helps the older male dry all tears, for that he receives a 'thank you'.

  
Though being moved by the blond's action, Leo is a little bit embarassed. It's usually him who dries the tears of the kids, now he feels like he's a small child, or a crybaby.

  
"Actually, I have anothing to confess." The dark haired male says softly. "I...uh...I actually wanted you to remember."

  
"What?" Wonshik is dumbfounded, that's not something he expected Leo to say. But that means Leo knew who he is all along, doesn't it?  
"I purposely used those songs." Leo rubs his neck furiously, "Rachmaninoff and the melody, you know... I don't know if you remember me for it or not but I did have the intention."

  
The melody Wonshik can get but what about Rachmaninoff? The man with tan skin utilizes all his neurons to search for the lost memories. With fragments like 'piano', 'classical music', 'young Leo' link themselves together, he could recall a time when they played the piano together and made a poor case out of it.

  
That was the time Leo was practicing a piece of Rachmaninoff and he complained that he needed at least four hands to play it. Somehow they thought it would be a good idea to let Wonshik, who had never touched a piano before, played along side with him.

  
It was without a doubt a mess.

  
Their parents scolded them after that for torturing their poor neighbors' eardrums for about an hour.

  
Wonshik feels like laughing, but he is frustrated at the same time. Why did forget these precious moments between them?

  
"Then I ran away when you actually remembered about me." The older male continues, "I am such a hypocrite, aren't I?"

  
"No, you are not. And since when did you know it's me?" Wonshik replies.

  
"I..." Leo inhales sharply, "I've never fotgotten you. Because my happy memories end with you." He gives Wonshik a sad smile. "I just didn't know how you look like after all these year and there was an article about a conposer named 'Ravi'. Well, there isn't many Kim Wonshik who lives in this city who has a sister with the name of Ji-won."

  
Wonshik almost can't believe what he heard. He is supposed to be overwhelme with joy but the guilt is unbearable. He regrets that he moved on too soon.

  
"Please don't blame yourself. I'd have forgotten all of that too if none of those things happened." Leo comforts the younger male. It's pretty strange how their positions switch real quick.

  
"But..."

  
"No," Leo shakes his head, "You remembered, that's all what matters."

  
"I need to go and talk to Hakyeon, it's almost my work time too." The black haired male informs. "We should talk more later."

  
"Are you sure?" Wonshik frowns, "You look like you could use some rest."

  
"I want to. And believe me when I say all I feel now is relief." He smiles.

  
Leo's smile is as beautiful as Wonshik could recall. But there are something that lacking. Maybe it is the absence of the sparkling in his onyx eyes, maybe it is the constant sadness appears on his face that a smile couldn't wash it all off. Even after the older had already gone, Wonshik still hasn't move an inch, too busy thinking if there is something could be done to bring back the btightness that he used to see, to be able to call Leo 'Taekwoonie' once again.

  
Time. If that is what Leo needs, he'd give it to him. And some more.


	5. A Story To Be Told.

It is a normal Saturday morning to Sanghyuk. He woke up at 6 AM, cleaned himself, had breakfast and then went to school. It has always been like this since the start of the semester and today is no exception. Except for the fact that it is.

The last two periods of his morning class has just been announced cancelled because the professor has some kinds of an emergency. Not that he is complaining but it is a possibility that make up class will be scheduled on Sunday. Sanghyuk steps out of the classroom while not sure what he is going to do. Going back hone is not an option since he still has class in the afternoon and joining his friends does not seem to be very appealing today.

There is a convenient store near his school and a huge park within five minutes of walking. Piecing two things together and Sanghyuk thinks why not buy something to eat from the store and then go to the park? He could stroll and have lunch there, plus, the sky is clear but it’s not really sunny.

Everything is plain perfect.

With a bag contains two sandwiches, a set of ready meal of rice, chicken and vegetables, and a bottle of tea, Sanghyuk enters the park. The atmosphere is nice and the air is fresh, what a perfect place to hide from all the noise and the busy pace of this crowded city. He decides that he like this park and they even set up an artificial stream in here too. It’s a shame that the park is a little bit far from home or else he would have his morning run here. After almost three and a half years living in this city and this is the first time Sanghyuk visits this place. He has been missing out on a lot, hasn’t he?

Finally tired of wandering around aimlessly, Sanghyuk decides that it’s time to sit down and have lunch. A little nap too, perhaps. That’s when he spots none other than Leo sitting cross legged on a bench.

 

\----------------

 

Leo had no idea what just happened. It was supposed to be a regular Saturday for them but then Jieun informed him that they got some volunteer workers coming. That, he could understand, but not the forcing him to go somewhere else while giving him just enough time to grab necessary belongings. She basically kicked him out of the orphanage. ‘You worked too hard lately, go out and have some time for yourself’ she said, and that justified her actions.

He found himself at the bus stop, still stunned. For a good minute of thinking, he thought to himself that whatever, he’ll go to the park. It’s peaceful there anyways, and it’s free.

 

\----------------

Sanghyuk does not know whether or not he should approach the black haired male. He has a pencil in hand and seems to be extremely focused on a book that, to Sanghyuk, looks like a … 9th grader’s Math schoolbook? Not just focus, it’s like he tries to stare the book down with this brows furrow. He might as well pouts a bit, Sanghyuk notes, but it could be his imagination only.

To be fair, it’s not like anyone could just ignore such a cute scene, right? Sanghyuk is no exception in this case. It’s only natural for a person to have the urge to help another person, right? Right.

Sanghyuk makes up his mind on what to do and immediately acts on it.

“What are you thinking so hard on?” He asks while looking down on Leo, the older male still not notices his presence.

Leo jumps a little at the voice, he was so fixate on the Math problem that he did not recognize someone was approaching. Looking up from the book, he sees a tall and broad figure looming over and right in front of him.

“Ah…Sanghyuk. I…uh…hi?” He stutters. It’s so sudden and he did not expect to run into someone he knows here.

“Hi.” The grey haired boy grins, “Coincident, huh?”

“Yeah.” Leo agrees.

“Can I sit here?” Sanghyuk asks while pointing at the free space on the bench.  

“Sure.” There is more than enough space for both of them so Leo has no reason to refuse. Besides, Sanghyuk is his co-worker, of course he wouldn’t send him away.  

“So, what troubles you?” The younger of the two asks after he settled himself down on the wooden bench. “Maybe I can help.”

Judging from the book, it must be Mathematics related. Sanghyuk is pretty confident about his knowledge in Math, he is a Finance student after all. Therefore, if it’s 9th grader Math problem, it should be a walk in the park for him (no pun intended here).

“One of the kids needs my help with school.” The black haired male says, “He asked me but I…uh…” He trails off, his face blushes red in embarrassment. He does not want to admit this because of the fear of being called stupid. However, if he doesn’t, he couldn’t provide the kid with the answer he wants.

“Oh don’t worry, nobody’s perfect.” Sanghyuk pats the elder’s shoulder. With Leo’s skill in music, he thinks it’s normal for him to have some weak points. Or else, this World is too unfair. “Here, let me take a look.” The younger then takes the book and the pencil from the other’s hands.

While still being surprised of the kind words that came out of nowhere, Leo couldn’t react fast enough when his stuffs being taken away from him. There is nothing he can do so he just quietly watches Sanghyuk writes down something on the paper. The younger then leans closer and shows what he has been writing. The solution for the problem, Leo figures. It’s normal for someone as intelligent as Sanghyuk he guesses.

“Here is how it’s done.” The younger male carefully explains each step of the solution, from the analysis to the application of formulas. His pace is slow so that Leo can understand everything.

The dedication of Sanghyuk makes the memories of being taught this knowledge emerge in Leo’s head. They are distant but they never really go away. But there are scary parts which always come along with them. The parts Leo wants to bury deep and leaving no trace.

But not now, he supposes. Right now, all he feels is to be young and innocence again, waiting for guidance and seeking for instruction. What a weird way to think about this. He knows.

Leo shakes all those ridiculous thoughts he has out of his head and tries to concentrate on what the younger is saying. Lucky for him, he didn’t miss out much and is able to understand the explanation. And to his own distress, he must admit that without Sanghyuk’s help, he is probably never going to solve this on his own.

"And that's it." Sanghyuk says as he puts down the pencil. He then smiles satisfyingly when Leo nods understandingly, meaning his explanation is clear enough.

"Thanks a lot." Leo tells Sanghyuk with gratitude in his voice. "I wouldn't know how to do this myself. Without your help, it's a lost cause."

"It's nothing, really." The younger male just waves it off, "By the way, what time is it?" He could check it himself but his phone is somewhere inside his backpack and Sanghyuk doesn't have the motivation to carry out a search at the moment.

"Oh, wait a sec." The black haired male fishes out an old model phone that Sanghyuk notices there are some cracks on the screen. "It's about fifteen past eleven."

"Perfect time for lunch then." The grey haired boy concludes and proceeds to take out what he bought at the store out of the plastic bag. "Do you have anything to eat yet?" He wouldn't mind sharing.

"Yes. I brought this with me." Leo reveals a lunchbox from inside his  bag.  "Just some leftover from breakfast but it's enough."

"Oh." Sanghyuk breaths out shortly, "That's good then," he catches himself in time. "Mind if I start eating?"

"No, please go on."

Sanghyuk doesn't need to be told twice before he unwraps the sandwich and takes a bite. However, it doesn't take long for him to furrows his eyebrows. Sanghyuk sets it aside and unlids the ready meal, yet to be disappointed again. He is not a picky eater and he eats takeout meals a lot, especially when none of them know how to cook properly (and Hakyeon doesn't cook food, he cooks poison), but these don't taste good at all to him.

"They taste bad?" Leo only asks after he saw the younger male's reaction and his reluctance of taking another bite. Looking at the lunchbox he holds in his hand, Leo has a pretty strange idea. "Do you...uh...want to switch?"

"With your lunch?" Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Well, I'm not saying mine is better or anything. Just...you know..." He flusters, wondering where he got this weird idea from. He initially thought this is his way of saying thank you to Sanghyuk. "Maybe this would suit your taste better, I think..."

The grey haired boy is pretty impressed. He helped Leo with the cooking once but he has never tried the elder's food. That's inevitable since of course there wasn't enough to feed two extra fully grown adults. He seemed to be very skilled in term of making food so Sanghyuk assumes the taste would be ok. If it is not then there is a high probability that it's not as bad as the ones he bought. In the worse scenario, he survived Hakyeon's cooking.  So, where is the lost, right?

Mentioning of that day, to anyone that close to them wouldn't know but for Hakyeon to be that stiff and uncomfortable in public, it's a wonder. A smiling and all friendly Hakyeon is the impression that the oldest male leaves on everyone's minds. However, Sanghyuk and the three other had seen that man with nothing but a cold expression, looking at another man like he was nothing. Not to mention how discrete Hakyeon could be when needed. Like how he ignored Jaehwan’s constant annoyance and kept Leo’s real name a secret. The way he cares for Leo’s well-being and emotions is quite… unusual. It’s not the way he has been treating Sanghyuk or three other guys, five of them are best friends who are as close knit to each other like blood brothers. Yet, Hakyeon’s interest in Leo is more intimate in some ways.

Most definitely he looks at Leo the same way Jaehwan does.

Sanghyuk looks at the dark haired male sitting next to him, wondering if himself is being affected by his charm or not.

“It’s a strange idea, isn’t it? Please forget about it.” The silence of the younger male makes Leo feels so silly. He did it with good intention but if the other deems it weird then who is he to argue. He wishes that there is a hole for him to jump down and never crawls out again.

“What?” Sanghyuk’s mind snaps back to reality, only then notices he has been unresponsive. “No, no. It’d be my pleasure.” He says quickly.

Leo eyes the grey haired boy doubtfully, thinking he only says that to not hurt his feeling. However, Sanghyuk just casually takes the lunchbox from his hands and opens it. The younger digs in using the one time use chopsticks before Leo could even react. With nothing he can do at the moment, Leo has no other choice besides looking at Sanghyuk expectantly and hoping the food is at least edible to the other.

“Can I be honest?” The younger of the two asks, he looks like he is about to drop some terrible news.

“Yeah… Of course.” Leo nods, he saw it coming anyway.

“Can you please just be excellent at one thing at a time?” Sanghyuk sighs.

“I kno… Wait, what did you just say?”

“I mean is there anything you are not good at?”

Such an unexpected turn of event that left Leo speechless. Somehow, in his head, Hakyeon and Jaehwan’s voices pop out in synch. ‘You have to have more faith in yourself’, they say.

“Well, there is Math.” The older male admits and Sanghyuk laughs.

“I have the feeling that it doesn’t count, for some reason.” The grey haired boy comments, “Anyway, have you ever gone to any culinary classes?”

“No. Jieun taught me.” Leo shakes his head.

“I see.” Sanghyuk nods.

What a shame, he thinks, for someone like Leo has such low self-esteem. Had it been someone else, they would be extremely proud of themselves for possessing that much skills giving the background. He knows he would.

“Here, you eat something too.” Sanghyuk hands the older male the sandwich he hasn’t touched yet. “And, thank you for the meal.”

“It was nothing. I’m glad you like it.” Leo offers a small smile, to which Sanghyuk smiles back.

Their lunch passes uneventful like that. Although Sanghyuk wants to stay for a little bit longer, he must goes back before the evening class starts.

Just when they are about to say goodbye, it rains. As far as Sanghyuk can recall, the sky was pretty clear and there was no sight of raining clouds. None of them expected this, obviously, seeing many people try to find shelter. Sanghyuk could run, and as a matter of fact, he runs really fast. But instead, he finds himself taking off his uniform blazer and holds it over a panicked Leo, who is frantically shoving all his belonging inside the bag.

“Let’s head to that tree over there, it seems like the rain is going to get heavy.” He says while pointing his chin to the direction of the tree. He is thankful that the fabric of the blazer is water resistant in many ways. It’s compulsory for all students to wear uniform so it’s his luck that the University decides to make high quality clothes.

Leo nods and they run for the tree, taking refuge under the thick layers of branches and leaves. However, droplets of water still fall near and on them. Sanghyuk thought it would be ideal for both them to stay under the cover of the blazer. Hakyeon would go frantic if Leo gets sick like this, and he doesn’t want that either.

But then, is this a bit similar to those romantic TV series? It usually involves a guy and a girl, however, the younger male finds himself not minding about this at all.

At that very moment, he spots the tip of the black haired male’s ears reddens. Maybe, just maybe, he is not the only who has that thought just now.

‘Is he getting shy because of that?’ Sanghyuk thinks to himself, ‘If yes, that’s just too cute.’

As Leo tries to move a little bit further away from the younger male, a hand is placed on his shoulder and holds him back. Leo turns his head around to see what Sanghyuk is up to and realizes how close the younger’s face is to his. Dangerously close, if he might add.

“Stay close or you will get yourself wet.” Sanghyuk says while his hand is still on the older male’s shoulder. “What if you catch a cold?”

“But isn’t this a little bit to close?” Leo tries to ignore how he can feel the grey haired boy’s breath grazes over the skin of his neck. He wishes he knows teleportation to get home straight away and save him the embarrassment but you can’t have everything you want, he supposes.

“Is it? I don’t think so.” Sanghyuk shrugs, acting like everything is perfectly fine. The true intention of his action is teasing Leo, because he likes how the elder reacts. “Rain like this usually stops pretty soon, so bear with me for a while, hmm? Or is that my presence bothers you?” He stresses his voice to make the last part sounds dramatic.

“No!” Leo denies immediately, “It’s not that. Just… I’m not familiar with… physical contact… with anyone other than the kids.” His voice is so low that Sanghyuk almost couldn’t catch it. 

"Then I think you need some practice." Leo jolts when the younger whispers softly into his ear and that make Sanghyuk smirks triumphantly. "You know, at some point, you'll want to hug the person you love. Or more. Like, touching each other more intimately, more passionately." With each word, Sanghyuk takes a little step forward and as he finishes the sentence, his broad chest is touching Leo's back.

The black haired male brings his hands up reflexively to cover his face, very well aware of the fact that he is being teased by the boy. However, that doesn't stop the embarrassment coming from the contact of their body. He mutters out just the cutest 'Please stop.' that Sanghyuk has ever heard in his life. Unfortunately, it only makes him want to keep on pushing.

“I think you are doing fine.” Sanghyuk chuckles, “You’ll be fine with this in no time. Friendly hugs are inevitable too if you are friends with Jaehwan, Hakyeon, Wonshik or even Hongbin.”

Leo literally wants to cry at that moment. He wonders if he should just run or hit Sanghyuk and then run.

“But jokes aside, the blazer is getting wet at my end so please stay close.” The grey haired boy is finally done with the teasing. He knows the concept of mercy, alright?

The older male bites his lip and nods. That doesn’t make him feel any less embarrassed but he thinks he won’t die staying like this a little bit longer. That’s when Leo notices something new: heartbeats. They are pretty faint because back to chest contact isn’t the best way to feel heartbeats but they are there.

It is oddly calming to focus on the steady rhythm of the heart while looking at the rain. For a moment, he loses himself in the feeling.

“Oh, you are getting better!” Sanghyuk comments on the way the older male relaxes his body.

“Shut up!” Leo’s face blushes deep red, and here he thought the boy is a genuine person. How can someone with such cute face be this evil?

Sanghyuk’s laugh imprints in the black haired male’s mind. It’s usually accompanied by the embarrassment he felt, the sound of pitter patter rain drops and heartbeats. He has never felt so conflicted about something that much. Leo decides to ignore the matter for now.

The rain gradually dies down and the air is filled with the earthy scent of dirt after rain. Sanghyuk is late for class already when the rain finally stops. Before Leo could even say thank you the boy has already gone with a short goodbye. Leo finds himself standing under the tree alone with no other people in sight. He is not sure how should he feel.

The black haired male shakes his head and walk in the opposite direction to where Sanghyuk heads to. He hopes it won’t rain again anytime soon. 

 

\----------------

 

It is 8 AM when Hongbin steps out of the plane. He has been away for a month because of the promotion campaign which required him to attend in events across the country. He doesn’t want to appear ungrateful but the campaign started in the worst time possible. Not only he couldn’t be there to help Leo, it seemed to be Jaehwan took all the credits too. Hongbin loves that secret place so much that he plans to use it as the spot where he is going to propose to his future wife. Now that plan is ruined, of course he is salty.

With a sigh, he gets into the SUV that his manager is the driver. Hongbin and Jaehwan made a truce not long ago, ‘no sneak attack’ they agreed but who plays fair nowadays anyway. Not when Jaehwan has already had the upper hand in the game. And there is the damn picture of Leo sleeping on the backseat of Jaehwan’s car. No, Hongbin thinks, there is no cheating in war, it is called strategy.

Hongbin’s manager has no problem with the change of destination. The boy had worked diligently and today is the start of his break after all. Besides, he needs the boy to be both physically and mentally relaxed before another campaign commences. Moreover, it’s good publicity if people know he does volunteer work at an orphanage.

 

\----------------

 

A shiny SUV parks in front of the gate that makes both Leo Jieun confused. Usually, if there is any charity organization or volunteer worker comes, they will contact them first hand. And that is not Hakyeon’s or Jaehwan’s car so they have no idea who the visitor is. It’s self-study time so it’s better for Jieun to stay since she is much stricter than Leo, who usually goes along with the kids’ pleading.

Hongbin puts on a cap, which successfully covers all his hair, and slides open the car door. The gate is closed but he can already see a figure approaching his position. Hongbin prepares the best smile he could offer to this world. It’s been more than a month since the last time they met. They’ve been texting each other and there was a time where Leo didn’t reply any of his message. However, as soon as the elder told him that he was feeling better, good morning and good night texts are a habit.  

“Hongbin? What are you doing here?” Leo recognizes Hongbin immediately right after he opens the gate.

Instead of answering the question directed at him, Hongbin just takes a step forward and pulls the black haired male into a bear hug. The elder is slightly taken by surprise but eventually he returns the hug, though hesitantly.

It is nice and all but Leo suddenly realizes there is another person there, who is currently staring at them. His gaze is… judgmental, and Leo doesn’t like that at all. He pats on Hongbin’s toned back to indicate the younger to release him.

“Welcome back.” Leo smiles, “But what are you doing here? You didn’t tell me anything.”

“I was planning this to be a surprise. I just want to pay you a visit and perhaps we could catch up.” Hongbin shrugs, he says it as if this is a regular thing to do.

Leo appreciates the thought, he really does. However, he is, in many ways, still in his working hours so it’s impossible for him to spare some time for Hongbin. Had this been an evening then he could manage.

“Thank you.” He smiles, “But I’m working, so…” Leo trails off but he is confident that the younger can surely catch the hint.

“No problem there, I’m here to help!” Hongbin pats on the black haired male reassuringly. “I’m good at cleaning, mind you. I have to clean up their mess after all. Ugh, those guys…”

“Those guys?” Leo repeats, he doesn’t know Hongbin has housemates.

“Wonshik and Jaehwan are the worst. Thankfully Hakyeon keeps Sanghyuk in check or else I’d go crazy. He says things like his bartender must be swift at keeping things clean and…” Hongbin’s complaint is cut short by the older male.

“Wait a minute. You guys live in the same house?” Leo couldn’t believe in what he heard. He knows they are close, like really close, but enough to live in the same place? That’s incredible. It makes sense, though, given the way they talk about and act around each other.

“No one told you?” The younger raises an eyebrow, “Yeah, we live together. That ought to give you some trust on my ability, right? Let’s not waste time, alright?” Hongbin says then basically drags Leo along with him.

Upon hearing the car engine being started up, Leo knows that his fate is sealed. He assumes that the other man is Hongbin’s manager. When recalls the look the man gave him earlier, the black haired male couldn’t help but shivers. It felt like he was being throughout judged and analysed. Though, it could be he is imagining things. He was told that he thinks too much lately by different people after all.

“Is there anything wrong?” The younger male asks.

“No. Nothing.” Leo lies, “I just need to close the gate.”

Hongbin doesn’t question further and let the elder does his job. They walk across the yard and Hongbin couldn’t help but notice that the facility of this place is downgraded. In the small playground, there aren’t many things to…play. The whole scenery, it almost looks sad.

“What are we going to do?” He asks Leo, “It’s too early to start preparing lunch I suppose.” Because cooking probably couldn’t take that much time to do right?

“Actually no, but I have to hang the clothes first. The kids are having a self-study session so it’s best to not disturb them.” Knowing how short the attention span of active children, most of them would just discard their books and want to play with the new visitors.

Much to Hongbin’s surprise, they actually have a washing machine here. The model looks out-dated, sure, but it seems to be working just fine. Judging by the amount of clothes Leo is stacking up in the basket, it’d be hell to do laundry by hand. The younger male wastes no more time and starts helping by taking the basket to where the wires are. He knows by heart the way to do this task, first he shakes out the clothes to prevent them from being wrinkled then puts them on the wire and lastly secures them with clothespin. Leo is impressed, Hongbin could read it directly from his face expression. That also means he scores points.

“Surprise?” The younger male asks.

“A bit.” Leo admits, “I didn’t expect you to be this… professional.”

“Well, what did I tell you? I’m good.” Hongbin then strikes a confident pose which makes the black haired male laughs. The soft laughter sounds like music to him, if he is being honest.

“Yeah, yeah, I believe you now.” The elder smiles then continue what he was doing and the other follows suit.

It didn’t take long for two people to finish the task, which means they have a few minutes to spare.

“When did you return here?” Leo is curious, only a few days back, Hongbin told him that the promotion tour would be ended in a couple of days. How come he is here already?

“The plane landed here at eight, I think.” The younger answers while trying to recall the exact time he arrived.

“Excuse me?” Leo’s voice is laced with disbelief. “Shouldn’t you go back home and rest or something? Why here?”

“Why here, huh?” Hongbin smiles cheekily, “I’ll tell you when we have time. Now, don’t you have lunch to prepare?”

The blacked hair male huffs, clearly displeased. However, he can’t deny what Hongbin said isn’t true, he still has cooking duty. With a sigh, Leo heads to the kitchen and Hongbin continues to be his shadow.

With the performance of the younger male when doing laundry, Leo doesn’t think much when he asks if he can help with anything. He hands Hongbin the onions and tells him to peel and dice them.

Everything would be fine if Hongbin actually knows what to do, or at least admits that he does not know what to do. But no, he has pride and tries to peel the onion in the worse way possible: use the blade as if he is peeling the skin of fruits. The blade slips because obviously onions skin is too slippery and it almost cuts his finger. Or fingers, judging by the way he holds the onion. That gives Leo quite a heart attack, he immediately grabs the other male’s wrist to stop him. Then, he proceeds to take away the knife.

“Tell me, have you ever cooked?” The older male asks.

“Um… no?” Hongbin gives Leo a hesitant answer and the elder only sighs.

“You should’ve told me then.” Leo sets the knife down, “It’s dangerous, you know. Why don’t you sit down and relax?”

“Then what’s the point of me being here then?” The younger of the two disagree, “I came here to help.”

Hongbin’s words make Leo furrows his eyebrows, he seems to be deep in thoughts. For a second, the younger swears that Leo’s eyes lit up as if he has just thought of something grand.

“You can help.” The black haired male reassures, “Moral support. Cooking is hard, I need moral support.”

Never once in a thousand years had Hongbin expected Leo to say such thing to him. It is too adorable that he finds himself dumbstruck and unable to disagree further. He couldn’t handle the sudden cuteness as he is not ready for it, Hongbin tries to relief it by pinching both of Leo’s cheeks. They aren’t as full as the last time they met but it does feel nice.

Leo brings his hands up to cover his now stinging cheeks and sends Hongbin a glare, to which the younger only laughs. At least Hongbin does step aside and sticks to his ‘moral support’ role.

Things go on smoothly after that. Of course it has to be, since Leo has been doing this almost every day, and for years. They do chat but Leo’s focus on the task at hand makes it difficult. Hongbin also discovered a critical piece of information: Minyul. He also knows now that Sanghyuk has been keeping them out of this knowledge.

After a while, Jieun comes and helps out with the kitchen. Hongbin gets a chance to introduce who he is. Speaking about people who know Leo, Jieun must be the one who understand him best, the younger supposes. Tactically wise, it’s only good to get on her good side.

“Leo’s friends are always welcome here.” She smiles kindly at Hongbin, “Thank you for coming all this way to visit him.” She then slightly bows to him.

“No, it’s my pleasure.” Hongbin bows as well, “And I’m sorry for intruding like this.”

“You don’t need to, it’s the thoughts that count. Plus, Leo told me you helped him quite a great deal.” Jieun pats his shoulder and turns to the older male. “Dear, why don’t you two go to my office and talk? I’ll take care of everything else.”

Before Leo could protest, she pushes him out of the kitchen, leaving no room for an argument. He immediately has flashbacks on that rainy Saturday morning. Leo sighs in defeat and signals Hongbin to follow him.

Jieun’s office is neat but it’s smaller than what Hongbin has imagined it to be. There are just a wooden desk, a simple chair, a bookshelf and an old but well-kept leather sofa. Leo takes a seat on the sofa and tells the younger male to sit down as well.

“You told her about me?” Hongbin asks as soon as he situates on the sofa.

“Yes.” The black haired male nods, “You helped me so I felt like I should mention you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, of course I don’t mind. I am a little bit surprise, though. Because I wasn’t exactly helping as I wasn’t around.” Hongbin voices out his thoughts. Much as this displeases him, he must say that most of the credits went to Hakyeon and Jaehwan.

“But you texted me every day.” Leo disagrees, “You told Jaehwan about the secret spot. I’m thankful.”

Hongbin wants to say those aren’t that much. However, he suddenly remembers what Hakyeon warned them about Leo’s mental state. To someone who has trouble receiving help from other like him, a simple caring act probably means a lot. Good thing he doesn’t come here just to mess around today.

“In that case, sing me a song and we are equal. Deal?” Hongbin smiles at Leo.

“Sing you a song?” The older male repeats. “How can those can be equal to each other?”

“Of course they can. Your singing voice is so good it heals my soul.” The younger of the two tries to act calm after saying such cringing things. But no victories could be done without hardship.

“Um…” Leo couldn’t say anything, the compliment appears out of the blue so abruptly that it feels like a slap in the face.

“So, sing me a song and you don’t own me anything.” Hongbin concludes.

There is no point of this argument, Leo knows that. He would still be thankful no matter the result, and if the younger male wants, he would sing too. However, some kind of flame is fanned inside him. He _reaaaaallllyyyy_ doesn’t want to lose. He has been pretty bad at winning arguments and accepting defeat is out of question.

“Still, they aren’t equal.” Leo isn’t going to give up.

“Really? What scale are you using to compare them?” Hongbin raises his eyebrows, waiting for the answer that he knows the other can’t give.

“Well, that’s…” The black haired male starts but is unable to finish his sentence.

“There is no scale for moral value, isn’t it?” The younger delivers a finishing blow to Leo’s competitiveness. “That’s why any comparison is both true and untrue at the same time.”

“Alright…” Leo pouts. He still doesn’t concur but what can he do, Hongbin gives a solid point.

“Aweee.” Hongbin coos, “Don’t be so dispirited.” He lifts his hand up to run it through Leo’s silky hair and messing it.

In an attempt to make the younger stop, Leo swings his arm around and it accidentally hit Hongbin’s cap. It fells onto the floor and Hongbin’s hair is now in plain sight. It’s still pink, but a more vibrant shade of pink.

“Is this the reason why you kept wearing a cap indoor?” Leo has noticed the detail but he didn’t want to pry so he kept quiet. He guessed it might be bad haircut but not this.

“Yeah. Silly isn’t it?” Hongbin sighs and reaches down to pick the cap up. At that moment, the older male’s hand wraps around his wrist to stop it. This is the second times in this very morning.

“It suits you.” Leo says honestly, “It is certainly… eye catching. But it looks nice on you. And also… fluffy.” He says the last part real quick that Hongbin almost doesn’t catch it.

Leo can’t let go of the thought of how fluffy Hongbin’s hair actually is. Imagine running his hand through that hair, it must feel so good, just like petting a cute Pomeranian. ‘No,no’ he tells himself ‘I shall not thinking of this any longer’.

The younger, however, catches on immediately the situation.

“All you have to do is ask, you know.” The pink-hair boy guides the hand, which at that very point still on his wrist, to the top of his head.

Surprised, but the elder doesn’t let the opportunity goes to waste. It is indeed nice, more than a Pomeranian, this is a Samoyed puppy he is petting. A pink one, but still.

“A favour for a favour.” Hongbin says, cutting Leo’s fantasy short, and lifts the black haired male’s hand off his head. He adjusts his position, lies down and putting his head on Leo’s lap then guides the hand to his hair.

Leo’s mind is so full of puppy petting thoughts that he couldn’t realize in time what is going on. Hongbin is content, what else could he feel anyway?

A full five minutes of petting the younger’s hair before Leo remembers an unsolved mystery.

“Oh right, why are you here?” He asks.

“To visit you, did you forget?”

“The real reason I mean. You said you’ll tell me later.” Leo says with seriousness in his voice.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you.” Hongbin quits joking around, “I’m here to tell you a story.”

Leo nods quietly and Hongbin begins.

“There is a boy, he was born in a well-off family. He grows up knowing he would be fine as long as he doesn’t screw up too bad. For all his life, he is complimented for his look. He was told at a young age that he is handsome, that he stands out. Agencies take interest in him and scout him. He refuses, he doesn’t want to be an idol. But the boy is confident about himself enough that he wants to become a successful model. He is tested, he is evaluated and he passes. The boy is now a rookie model. He has got jobs, he does them and then receives compliments. But, they are all the same. It’s his look, it’s always about his look. He hates it, he despises it even though without his look, he is no one. Isn’t he being ridiculous?”

The black haired male opens his mouth to say something but Hongbin doesn’t let him.

“Frustration is all he feels when he should be thankful. Without a proper reason to be angry, he boy vents all the negative feelings towards himself. He blames himself for not talented enough and he thinks to himself at that rate, people will soon forget about him. He tries to bottle it all up but then he soon fails. He starts taking it out onto his friends, hurting them in process. He then realizes he has to choose, either telling the truth or hiding his weakness. He chooses to tell. He is ready to be ridiculed but his friends do nothing but support him through the tough time.”

A pause.

“I still find myself lacking of skills but I know that I’m improving, so I got that going for me, which is nice. No meme intended.”

“Meme?” Leo frowns.

“Ah, that’s not the point. The point is had I not gotten the gut to admit the truth, I would still be stuck.” Hongbin admits.

The older male doesn’t say anything and just keeps on patting comfortingly the pink haired boy. He wants to comfort Hongbin in some ways but words have never been his strength. Suddenly, the boy grabs Leo’s hand and looks up straight at him.

“Asking for help is perfectly fine.” Hongbin says in a firm voice, there is nothing in his eyes beside determination. “Call me anytime.”

Leo opens his eyes wide in shock. The boy has gone through all that trouble to tell him that? Some feelings creeps up and he can’t fight the urge to smile. And Hongbin smiles back broadly.

The younger lifts his hand up and when it is about to touch Leo’s cheek, his phones rings. The ringtone erupts making both of them jolts. Hongbin groans as the only one who could reach him right now is his manager. That means playtime is over, it’s time to go home. He stands up and answers the call.

“Sorry about that.” Hongbin apologies after turning off his phone, “But my manager is picking me up.”

“I thought you are going to stay for lunch.” Leo says when he is walking out of the room alongside Hongbin.

“That’s a bad idea.” The younger male laughs, “I eat a lot, the kids will starve.” He jokes and Leo chuckles.

The walk toward the gate is strangely short for Hongbin. He is not content so he pulls Leo into a goodbye hug before he climbs into the SUV. Today is a good day.

 

\----------------

 

“Is that the one you said has a nice voice?” Hongbin’s manager asks when they are on the way back.

“Yeah, why?” He narrows his eyes.

“His appearance is not bad at all. If his singing is as good as you described then he might have the chance to survive in this industry. If he ever enters.”

“I see. But that is up to him.” Hongbin tells his manager and the man nods.

It’s boring inside the car so the pink haired boy decides to face the reality. His phone screen indicates that there have been 10 missed calls and 4 new messages. There is no surprise at the fact that most of them came from Hakyeon. However, Jaehwan newest text gets his attention.

**From:** Jaehwanie.  
**Time:** Thu. 09:23

I called ur manager. U back stabbing little jerk D:<

Judging for the emoticon, Jaehwan is angry enough to punch his face like the way he punches the monitor every time his character dies in video games. Well, come what may.

With that thought, he dials Hakyeon’s number and braces himself for the incoming nagging. 


	6. Broken Down Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey, guess who is still alive???
> 
> It's been forever, hasn't it? I had to stop writting completely for a while since my psychologist advised against it. But I'm feeling much better these days so here I am.
> 
> And thank you so much for all of your support for me! I hope you enjoy this chapter and please tell me what you think.

 

Leo shows up at the bar on Friday night like usual. He greets Hakyeon before heading to the back stage. Much to his surprise, Sanghyuk is there already, he is sitting on the small couch and typing furiously onto his laptop keyboard. It’s not time for Sanghyuk to starts his shift yet so it is normal for him to hang around. However, he usually just stays in Hakyeon’s office. Leo felt it was rather odd at first, considering the fact that Sanghyuk is an employee and Hakyeon is his boss, but now he knows about the ‘housemate privilege’. Still, as far as he knows, Sanghyuk doesn’t come here. There is no air-con, that’s why.

“Um, hi.” Leo says when he slides into the room.

“Oh.” Sanghyuk finally looks up from the laptop screen and offers a smile. “You’ve come early today. And sorry for using this room.”

“There is no problem. This room is not exclusive to me after all.” The black haired male reassures the younger as he is sitting down on the small couch, next to Sanghyuk. “So…uh, you are not using the office today?”

“Yeah, about that…” The grey haired boy scratches his head, “I need to finish an important assignment within today. And you know Hakyeon, he would just go on and on how I should not procrastinate. His endless nagging is only good at making people lose their concentration.”

“I see.” Leo says with a nod, “Should I…?” He points at the door, meaning if should he go somewhere else and leave Sanghyuk alone or not. He doesn’t mind hanging at the bar for the time being.

“No, don’t.” The younger male abruptly grabs Leo’s wrist when he is trying to stand up. “It’s done already. I’m only making some adjustments so don’t bother.” 

“It’s alright, I want to talk to Hakyeon anyway.” The elder tries to walk away but the firm hold on his wrist makes it impossible. He frowns at Sanghyuk.

“I’m not letting go unless you sits down.” The boy smiles so innocently at Leo and for a moment the black haired male forgets how devilish the boy in front of him can get. 

True to his words, Sanghyuk lets go as soon as Leo settles back down on the couch. The younger male once again turns his focus on the screen. Usually Leo would listen to some music while waiting but that doesn't seem to be appropriate at the moment so he doesn't. He didn't bring any books with him either. There is no way of fighting the inevitable, the older male succumbs to boredom. With nothing to ease it, Leo instead takes interest in the click clack sounds which come from Sanghyuk's rapid typing. Looking at the source of those sounds, he unconsciously stares at the younger's hands.

 

Those hands, Leo realizes, are tremendous.

 

His own hands are considered larger than most, but it's mainly because of his long and delicate fingers. Sanghyuk's hands are, however, both large and long. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare like that.” Leo apologizes, that was rude of him to do that. 

“Relax, I’m not offended or anything. Just surprised that you are curious about little things like this.” The younger male shrugs.

The black haired male doesn’t know if he is supposed to feel better or what. Fortunate for him, a rumble comes from a stomach, which Leo knows very well isn’t his, distracts both of them from the topic at hand.

“Oh, right.” Sanghyuk sighs, “I haven’t had dinner yet.” He had been too absorbed in the task that wasn’t paying any attention. 

“You haven’t eaten anything yet?” Leo questions, it’s almost eight already.

“Yeah. Wait, don’t tell me you are happened to bring food with you?” Sanghyuk remembers about their encounter at the park two weeks ago. 

“Not this time, I’m afraid.” The older male shakes his head. “You should find some food.” He tells the boy, there is concern in his voice.

“What a shame, I’ll just steal something from the kitchen later.” The grey haired boy now has to think of a plan to get food. Hakyeon bans him from taking food from the kitchen unless he pays for them. Because he eats too much. 

“I don’t think that’s wise.” Leo doesn’t concur, “It won’t be good for your health. You can get sick easily if you don’t eat regularly.” 

Sanghyuk raises his eyebrow. From the way the older male acts, he realizes immediately that he is genuinely worried. But why? Sure that they’re co-workers and they share mutual friends, but are they themselves friends? 

Leo isn’t the type of person that he would usually befriend to. He appreciates individuals such as Jaehwan or Hongbin, who are energetic and are fun to be with. The man with pitch black hair is distinct. Until now, he appears to be an annoyingly good-at-everything person who is shy and gets embarrassed easily. He has a nice voice, sensational when singing and soft when talking, yet he is a man of a few words. They met outside of work twice. They don’t text or call each other, Sanghyuk is pretty sure that they have almost nothing in common. He wouldn’t call them friends, no.

Who would get that worked up because of someone he is not that close to? Leo, apparently. 

“There’s no need to worry about me.” The younger of the two waves his hand. “If you want to worry about something, your own health would be a nice choice.”

“What? There is nothing wrong with me?” The black haired male is confused by the other’s words.

“You are too thin. I bet you as light as a feather.” Sanghyuk says while eyeing the slender waist.

“No, you’re mistaken. I am…”

Before Leo could finish his sentence, the younger male grabs his hand and brings him to his feet. Sanghyuk then wraps his arms around his hip from behind and lifts him up in the air. Leo almost squeals when the grey haired boy starts spinning him around, luckily, he brings his hands up to cover his mouth in time.

“Put me down.” The elder pleads while hiding his face behind his hands. 

“I’m not wrong, see?” Of course Sanghyuk wouldn’t stop so soon.

“Can you please stop?” Leo raises his voice, which unfortunately still sounds too soft for someone who is angry, and swats at the arms that lock tightly on his hip.

“That depends on whether or not you agree that I’m right.” Sanghyuk says jokingly, his tone makes Leo wants to kill him so bad.

“Sanghyuk, put him down.” Hakyeon interrupts. He is now standing in the door way, smiling at them. The grey haired boy knows that there is nothing good coming with that type of smile.

Leo lets out a sighs of relief when his feet once again touch the ground. He is a little bit dizzy after all the spinning but he would be fine on his own. Yet, he finds a hand places under his arm to keep him steady. 

“Your shift is about to start so go prepare yourself.” The dark skinned male tells Sanghyuk as he checks on Leo.

“Alright.” The grey haired boy nods and leaves the room, but only after he sends a meaningful look Hakyeon’s way. Closing the door behind him, Sanghyuk makes three mental notes. One, Leo is definitely the caring type; two, beside when embarrassed, he is cute when angry also; three, Hakyeon is getting too obvious.

“Are you ok?” The oldest only asks when they are left alone. “Is he bothering you?”

“I’m fine. And no, he is not.” Leo shakes his head, “That’s just how he is. I guess.” The boy sure is evil but he is not that bad. If putting all the teasing aside, it shows that the boy has good intentions.

Hakyeon doesn’t anything more, he just pats Leo on the back and walks out of the room. 

“As kind as ever, hm?” Hakyeon says to himself after closing the door.

\----------------

Leo takes out his phone as soon as he steps out of the bus. The numbers on the screen indicate that there is still plenty of time until the time they’d agreed to meet. Four days ago, Jaehwan called. He said he wanted to fulfil the promised that he made before, which is coaching Leo on his singing skill. The older male initially refused, as Jaehwan’s musical schedule officially starts on the next Tuesday, which means less than a week from then. He didn’t want to say no but he was concerned about the younger’s health.

Jaehwan kept on insisting though, and who he is to say no.

They could’ve meet at the training centre but the younger wanted to meet at the exact same spot where Leo had waited for him three and a half months ago. Despite not knowing the intention, Leo decided to go along with it. Maybe it’s a part of the whole ‘making it up’ of the brown haired boy, which he had already deemed to be unnecessary.

It  seems like Leo’s expectation is right after all because Jaehwan is waving at him enthusiastically. Standing next to the boy is Wonshik. Now that’s what he calls unexpected, the younger male didn’t tell him anything about Wonshik. Leo feels nothing but thankful toward his childhood friend for his support and understanding. However, he has to admit he still wants to avoid the blond. He acknowledges the fact that he changed a lot. Leo himself would not look at him now and him years ago and say they are the same person. Ever since the truth was revealed, he had grown to be too conscious of the way he acted while the bleach blond male was around. 

It’s unfair and irrational, he very well knows that.

He is not the person that the younger used to know anymore and there is no way he could pretend that he is. Wonshik would understand, he reassures himself for a dozen of times, yet the fear still lingers. In the end, he just avoids meeting with the younger altogether.

Clenching his fist secretly and trying his best to look normal, Leo approaches the figures that have been waiting for him. Jaehwan clings on him instantly as his own way of saying hello. Leo guesses he got used to it to some extent already, he pats on the younger’s back to return the affection. 

“Hey.” Wonshik greets with a small smile.

Leo returns it with a smile of his own, a little bit stiff but still a smile, he assumes. Good thing Jaehwan is here to save the day. The boy wraps his hand around Leo’s wrist and leads him to a direction which is totally not the way to get to the centre.

“Where are we going?” Leo asks, he needs some briefing about their plan today.

“It’s still early so we should get something to drink. I know you love latte.” The brown haired boy explains smoothly without looking back. “They have nice cakes and other sweet treats there too.

For some reasons, the black haired male gets the idea that Jaehwan actually just wants to hang out. No practicing involved. No point in protesting it now, he thinks, he is here anyway. 

“Alright, but please slow down. I’m not going to say no.” This successfully tones down the hurry steps.

“Oh, you are not?” Jaehwan turns around to confirm the accuracy of the sentence. “You’re the best Mimi.” He smiles brightly.

“I told you to lay off the nickname, didn’t I?” Leo complains but once again his effort does not bear fruit.

While the two other males have their conversation, Wonshik keeps quiet and follows them like a shadow. Today, too, Jaehwan is full of life and one could say that positive energy emits from him. He is, without a doubt, capable of brighten the mood of other people. That is a wonderful thing, especially with the way Leo chuckles at his words and actions. Wonshik could see clearly that the black haired male lowers his guard around Jaehwan. Unlike when with him.

Leo slaps Jaehwan on the side of his arm, very careful though, as if he is afraid of hurting him. It seems like the brown haired boy teases him about something again. 

Wonshik joins in the conversation at some points. It’s a relief that Jaehwan is with them, otherwise, the atmosphere must be awkward. Leo, to Wonshik’s observation, has never once made an eye contact with him. His gaze is either on the cup of coffee, the table or Jaehwan. The black haired male still replies when Wonshik talks to him yet looking at him is a sin or something. Is it avoidance he is sensing? Or is it his imagination?

With every forced smile Leo gives him, Wonshik grows more restless. More than the guilt of doing something wrong, it’s the frustration of not knowing where did he do wrong. Maybe Jaehwan notices it too, he assumed, judging by the way the brown haired boy trying to include Wonshik in their conversation. 

“So Wonshik, how’s your new song going?” Jaehwan asks while unlocking an empty classroom. They’ve arrived at the centre after their trip to the coffee shop, the cups still in hands.

“Almost finish, fortunately. It’s been a while since the last time I released any song.” The blond answers and steps inside the room.

“Yeah, your fans are getting impatient.” The older of the two points out.

“Really? How could you know that?” Wonshik questions the brown haired male’s statement.

“What? They’ve been commenting that they are waiting for the new song on your Instagram. And Twitter too.” Jaehwan shrugs as he states the obvious.

“Are you stalking me?” Wonshik exclaims with a fake shocked face. “Since when did you fall in love with me?”

That grants him a neck chop but they know everything is fine because Jaehwan is laughing. 

“It’s not like it is hard to notice the fact.” Jaehwan says then turns to the black haired male who has been quietly listening to their conversation. “Of course people are in need of good music. Right, Mimi?”

“That’s right.” Leo agrees with a nod. His phone might be secondhand and it’s out of date, but it does its job. He wouldn’t admit it now but he does follow Wonshik on social media, therefore, it’s only natural for him to know. “Many people like your music.”

Wonshik must admit he did not expect that from Leo. Actually, he did not expect anything at all. Having received silent treatment for the whole afternoon up until now, a compliment from Leo, although he is not sure if it’s a compliment or not, is enough for him to feel oddly satisfied.

“Is that so?” he smiles at that older male, “Are you one of them?”

Leo nods. “I like your album  R.EAL1ZE .” he confesses softly. 

“Really? Did you buy a CD, then?” he blond asks jokingly. By no mean his question is hurtful in his mind.

“Sorry,” Leo apologizes; he is unable to maintain eye contact with his childhood friend. “I wasn’t able to afford it…” he trails off, feeling his cheeks heat up in shame.

“Don’t worry about it, Mimi.” Jaehwan immediately rushes to the dark haired male’s side, “This guy is stingy, that much album sales and that much views on Youtube, he didn’t even take us to a luxurious restaurant.”

“What are you talking about?” Wonshik plays along with the brown haired boy, “You said you want to eat gopchang. Where could I find a ‘luxurious’ gopchang restaurant?”

“How could I know? That was your job, wasn’t it?” Jaehwan fires back. “You didn’t bother to do research for us.” He says while pretending to wipe away imaginary tears.

“So,” Jaehwan concludes, “You shouldn’t buy any of his CDs. You have to help us teach him a lesson, you know. Only buy when this guy stops being so stingy, alright?” 

“Ah…” is all the oldest manages to say. “…I don’t think he is stingy though.” Leo continues after a pause. He did not forget the fact that Wonshik gave him a dress shirt as a gift. That must mean the blond is a generous person.

“NO!” the boy with the handsome nose objects loudly, “Why are you defending him? Don’t you love me, Mimi? Why must you hurt me this way?” Jaehwan holds his heart and proceeds to exaggerate everything.

Leo shifts his focus into comforting an acting Jaehwan. Wonshik can tell that the oldest has temporarily forgotten his thoughtless joke. Even though he feels relief, Wonshik is angry at himself for messing up again. Thankfully, Jaehwan is here to save the day. And for some reasons, the blond doesn’t feel particularly happy because of that alone.

After five minutes or so of the brown haired boy’s fake sulking, they are able to start the activity they are here for: vocal training.

Beginning with the basic: voice inspection, Leo is required so sing any song he wants without the music. They need to focus on what are the strong points and what are the flaws. 

The black haired male decides that he would sing to ‘Wild Flower’ of Park Hyo Shin. The name of the famous singer reminds Jaehwan of a certain person with dimples, abs and call Park Hyo Shin his ‘sunshine’. The fact that Leo likes Park Hyo Shin too would make Hongbin feel so happy. But it’s something Jaehwan is NEVER going to tell. Consider it a payback for the trust that a certain flower boy betrayed. How dare he went to Leo’s place alone and spent that much time there.

Leo’s singing voice is exactly everything Jaehwan remembers and comes to love. Of course he can’t say it’s flawless, however, it always has the same emotional impact which could entrance the audiences. Not to mention how clear and sweet his voice. Jaehwan also notices that the older male’s voice can go quite high. He is untrained and his voice is raw but with sufficient guidance then four octaves maybe? Or even higher than that.

At the same time, Leo needs to improve his breathing control. He did quite well for someone who hasn’t received training, like there is plenty of air can be stored in his lungs at once. Still, it affects the whole performance when the flow of the song is not smooth and the singer’s voice becomes breathy. They better work on this first before moving on to the more complicated technique.

Both Jaehwan and Wonshik comments sincerely and Leo listens carefully. He is thankful for them to spare their precious time to do this for him. 

An hour and a half somehow passed too quickly. Jaehwan doesn’t have all day, at least not today. He has so attend a meeting with the producers and directors. It’s not that serious because everyone just gathers together and heightens the morale as well as strengthens their bond before the musical officially starts. No damage will be done if Jaehwan decides not to attend. However, he is not that type of person.

“I’ve got to go but Wonshik, you have to escort Mimi home safely alright?” The brown-haired boy gives instruction as he walks towards the door. “You can’t be lazy, do you understand?” 

Wonshik says yes and shoos Jaehwan away. The older of the two sticks his tongue out before finally exits the room. With the mood maker gone, the room falls into dead silence as if someone hits the mute button.

“I think I should get going too.” Leo says, breaking the heavy atmosphere, and offers Wonshik a small smile. 

The black haired male says thank you and bows before heading to the door. Wonshik follows him suit as he has no intention to let Leo go alone. The older doesn’t realize at first but he gets suspicious when the blond keeps on tailing him.

“Um, I can go alone.” Leo stops and faces the younger male. “There is no need for you to…”

“But I promised.” Wonshik interrupts, “I promised Jaehwan so I have to. If I don’t keep my word, I would become an untrustworthy person and Jaehwan would be upset.” The tan skinned male points out the reasons why he must accompany Leo.

Of course Leo has objections, but he is in no way could voice them out. Because the only way he could fight against logic is being irrational and being irrational is not his cup of tea.

“The bus stop is just nearby, so…” he tries.

“Then I’ll walk you there and wait for the bus with you and I’ll leave immediately after you get on the bus unharmed. How about that?” The younger male shoots down Leo’s pathetic attempt. 

And so they walk along side each other. None of them says any words to each other. Throughout the walk, Wonshik’s mind keeps wondering should he or should he not ask about Leo’s attitude towards him. More than concerning about the fact that he might appear to be rude, he is more afraid of saying the wrong thing again.

With all the thoughts circling inside his head, Wonshik gradually feels nervous and torn. But then, the blond is not sure if it’s fortunate or unfortunate of him, Leo misses the bus and now they have to wait for at least ten minutes for the next bus to arrive. 

Should he?

Or should he not?

The blond discretely staring at the fair skinned male. His heart is thumping in his chest so quick as if it’s about to burst. Well, go big or go home, he guesses.

“Hey,” Wonshik starts and gets Leo’s attention. “Can I ask you something?”

The black haired male doesn’t look very comfortable but he nods his head anyway. 

“Have I… Have I done something wrong?” The younger male gets straight to the point. From what he can observe, Leo appears to be shocked at his question. His eyes widen and his mouth opens up a bit.

“No.” Leo objects, because that’s not true. “Of course not. Why are you…”

“Were you avoiding me?” Wonshik presses on; he really wants to know what’s going on.

In mere a second, Leo’s face pales. He averts his gaze and looking down at the pavement in shame. Denial is irrelevant as he couldn’t lie. That’s what he has been doing: avoiding Wonshik. Leo nods with a sigh.

"Is it because of me?” The blond voices his suspicion and the other male’s head snaps up. 

“It’s not you…” the black haired male’s voice sounds weak, “It was me… I was… It’s because I…” Leo’s eyebrows furrows tightly as he becomes flustered. The words he said are incoherent and Wonshik could not figure out what he is trying to say.

“Hey, hey.” The younger tries to calm Leo down, “It’s nothing serious, I just want to know.” He then puts his hand on the side of the older male’s arm, gently caressing as he saw Hakyeon did it many times. “I won’t pressure you if it’s hard for you. I might not be as good of a listener as Hakyeon or Hongbin, but maybe I can understand. So, tell me?”

Leo once again fixates his gaze to the ground, a little bit too afraid to look up, and bites his bottom lip. He knows he is being a coward for not telling the truth. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt yet he did it anyway. He urges himself to speak up, to actually explain why he does what he did. However, something keeps shutting him up.

He knows he is scared.

What is he so scared of? He doesn’t know. His fear is invisible and nameless. He has no idea how to address it, how to describe it but it’s always there. He feels like being dragged down a bottomless hole and he is far too afraid to resist. 

But then, Wonshik’s low voice is so calming to his ears.

Leo breaths in sharply.

“I was afraid that you would hate me.” He says, voice broken. “Because I am not… the person you once knew. I changed.” Even he wouldn’t dare to declare the person he is and the person he was are the same person without any doubts. And it wouldn’t be possible for him to pretend to be the cheery and carefree child he one was. Sooner or later, Wonshik is bound to find out the truth, and he is bound to feel disappointed.

Well, isn’t pathetic? Isn’t he pathetic?

“I’ve changed too. Are you going to hate me?” Wonshik asks in a serious tone that startles the older male.

The black haired male immediately knows his answer to the question. It’s impossible to hate someone who offers him nothing but kindness up until now. He couldn’t even think of a scenario where he could come to hate a man named Kim Wonshik.

Leo opens his mouth to give the answer but he is interrupted by Wonshik’s extending hand. The tanned skin male offer it as if he wants Leo to shake it. The older looks up in confusion.

“Hi, my name is Kim Wonshik. Nice to meet you.” The blond introduces himself with a smile. “We both have changed but let’s get to know each other from the beginning again, because I want to be your friend. Will you be my friend again?”

Needless to say Leo is mortified. For a good minute, his brain overloads and he is unable to respond. The black haired male keeps on standing still and staring at Wonshik’s inviting hand.

Lifting his hand up, Leo couldn’t help but feeling so moved and grateful. Right at the moment their hands was about to touch, a loud screeching sound of car tires sliding on the asphalt resulted from a driver slamming his brake appears. The sound is so unpleasant that many bystanders cringe at it.

Wonshik gets distracted and looks at the direction where the sound originated from. Turn out to be a car stopped abruptly to avoid hitting a stray dog and fortunately no one (and no dog) is hurt. When he turns his attention back to the older male, what he sees stuns him. Leo has both his hands up to cover his ears, tears-filled eyes and he is shaking like a leaf. No need for close inspection for Wonshik to know the whole body of the black haired male tense up and his breathing becomes heavy. He is terrified. 

The blond has seen this before, Leo was like this when he heard his real name. It almost feels like a déjà vu when the scene from that night happens right before his eyes again. Wonshik asks Leo if he is ok or not but to reply is given. 

Wonshik panics as he has no clue what he should do and how to do it. Instinctively, he reaches out to grab Leo’s hands and lower them. The other male’s hands’ grip on his is a little bit too tight but the blond doesn’t mind. 

“It’s alright.” He continuously repeats that line in an attempt to calm Leo down. “Nothing happened, everyone is fine.” 

Thankfully, Leo’s breathing is steadier after a while and he starts to respond to Wonshik’s words. Leo isn’t fully come back to his sense yet but it is sufficient for him to understand simple words like ‘sit down’ or ‘breathe’. Gradually, his vision starts to clearing up and in front of him isn’t the dreaded darkness anymore. He could feel the rim of his eyes burns and his cheeks wet.

So it happens again. His own terror.

“It’s alright.” A voice full of concern tells him, “I’m here.”

Leo isn’t sure whose voice is that but suddenly the terror isn’t as horrified as he recalls anymore. It isn’t just the endless emptiness that only the horror flashing nonstop in front of him anymore. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on that gentle voice alone to get him out of the void.

What feels like an eternity passed and as Leo opens his eyes, he realizes he isn’t at the same spot any longer. The black haired male finds himself sitting on a bench and a certain person who has bleach blond hair is right beside him. His hand is being held by the younger male’s ones and Wonshik’s thumb rubs the back of his hand caringly. 

“Don’t push yourself.” The blond says and Leo just nods. “Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah.” The older male replies, “How long have I been out?”

“About fifteen minutes, I guess.” 

Leo once again nods in acknowledgement, this one is shorter than any ‘black out’ he has experienced. He takes some deep breath like he was taught to cool his brain. What an ugly thing that the younger male has to witness.

“Wonshik, about this…” the black haired male tries to explain before he is cut off.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you are not ready to tell.” Wonshik reassures, “I promised you I’ll wait.” He is not an expert but he did do his own research. He’d learned that mental illness can’t magically be healed and no one can simply ‘get over it’ by sheer will. It’s a whole process. 

“Thank you very much.” Leo says and his lips curve up in to a smile. It seems weak given his current condition but it’s a real smile, contains nothing but sincerity.

“I wasn’t doing anything much.” The tanned skin male refuses.

To Leo, however, he has done more than anything Leo hoped for. He could not find enough words to voice out his gratitude but at least he know what should he do right about now.

“Wonshik-ah, please be my friend too.” 

The fact that they are technically still hand in hand at the moment, the deal is sealed. They are going to be each other’s friend from now on. 

 

 


End file.
